Thursday, March 30, 2006

Drifting

At some point everyone experiences it. We all drift from things and people and right now in my life there is a lot of that. I am drifting away from old habits, old friends, and old activities. I am moving forward and while the change is exciting, it's scaring me more and more each day. Still somehow, through all the fear, I feel a great peace.

My parents and I have been experiencing the shift lately. I've been walking on egg shells (or doing my best to) so this might be a little easier for all of us. I know that it is a trying time and no one really knows what to make of it. I am the baby, the first to leave. I want to establish my feelings now but still I watch how I act more closely and I am making an effort to spend real time with them before I leave in May. I am moving out in August and for the first time in my life I'll be on my own. I'll be honest in saying that I understand concern on their part. I have not always made good decisions. Still I know, and I'm sure they know, that one day I will have to "spread my wings and fly". I have to venture out into the unknown and find my place in society. I have long outgrown this humble nest and it is time that I take the leap of faith, trusting my God to support me in all of my trials.

As I help my friends, Stephanie and Brett, prepare for their wedding I realise how close we've become in such a short time. After high school my friends split, geographically and emotionally. I will always love those who were close to me but they are no longer the people with whom I share my time. I talk to Stephanie more than ever and I feel more comfortable being with them together in a way I never have (long story - there's history). She, a wonderful person to be sure, was never a person who really stuck out in my mind as being such a great friend. I have always enjoyed her company but never in my wildest imaginations did I invision us talking and sharing as much as we do. I am thankful for this shift. Stephanie and I get along fabulously and I couldn't ask God for a better friend in my life at this time. We are so different in so many ways and I have learned so much from her. She makes me want to be a better person and I for that I am truly grateful.

This summer I will leave home for the first time by myself. I'll be flying to Georgia to work at a Girl Scout camp. I am very excited about it. I am so ready to be there and to interact with the girls. When I was growing up there were so many positive influences in my life. Although I was never quite sure how to imitate them or to put into action what I was learning from them, their influence stuck with me and, when it was time, helped me to become a better person. I probably won't witness any real shifts in these girls' lives, but knowing that maybe one of these girls leaves with a bit more confidence means more to me than anything. I could stay here and work at Starbucks all summer but because of my own experience, I want to be there for them this time. I want to help foster shifts in their lives... positive ones. I want to let them know it's okay to drift, that it's a part of life, and that we all have great things in store for us if only we will let things unfold naturally.

Drifting away from everything I have ever known is challenging but more than anything it is rewarding. I am learning so much about myself - the good, the bad, and the ugly - and I could not be more at peace with what is happening. There is always one constant in my life that helps me find this peace. I'm sure you all know what it is. It is Christ in my life and in every aspect of my faith. I could not be more happy to be Catholic than I am right now. I pray my love of Christ continues to grow and that He might use me and my mistakes to help others embrace Him and know that He is Truth.

2 Comments:

Blogger Julie D. said...

It is Christ in my life and in every aspect of my faith.

And that knowledge is no doubt very comforting to your parents also. Though it may be hard to tell through the usual earthquakes and aftershocks that come up when something shifts. :-)

3/31/2006 12:34:00 PM  
Blogger Lee Strong said...

Phew. A long read. But the conversations - and the point that it makes - sounds familiar.

Sigh.

4/01/2006 08:13:00 AM  

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