Why?

Why don't I write very often? It'd be easy to say it's because I don't have a computer or I don't have the time. But the truth is I don't write because I do not want to talk because I can. I do not want to type because I can. If I come back and I'm someone different than I was, it'll be okay. Because in coming back changed I know that I have not been at fault in not writing. If writing hinders me from growing and changing and healing then I should not write. And I think, sometimes, thats what writing is. Writing is the chance to take on something I'm not or to talk about something I wish I could DO -- and likely I can do but wont because it's easier just to write.

If none of this makes sense, it's quite alright. I don't suppose I sat down to write and make sense. I sat down to write out what I've been thinking - a way of actualizing if you will. So again I go on my way and leave this blog to sit and be still. In it's stillness lies change. I can't put my finger on it yet but change is happening. Please Lord stay by my side and help me through this confusing time...