Tuesday, September 25, 2007

On My Own

I've been "on my own" for about two weeks now, even though I still visit my parents' home quite often (for things I've left behind, to drop off things I've found in my car, and just to have people around..) and already things are happening to me that I wasn't expecting -- or perhaps I was hoping wouldn't happen. There have been no huge revelations or changes in my life - yet. Rather, I have accepted a thought or two that I am hoping, with the right "follow-through" will help me to be a happer, more successful person.

Here's the line of thought:
I don't really like myself very much. I don't enjoy me or being me or being with me. This poses a problem. I can't expect anyone else to like me, enjoy me, enjoy being with me until I can do those things. I think this might be the reason I surround myself with people who are happy and confident. It is as though I'm waiting for those things to rub off on me. Unfortunately for me, it doesn't work that way.

I think part of the reason I was so anxious about living alone is because I secretly knew that I'd have to learn to be with me... alone with me. I have to learn to enjoy myself and appreciate the good qualities I possess, few though they may be, before I can expect to establish and foster good, solid, healthy relationships (of all kinds). I have to be happy to be with me - just me - before I can think about adding other people to the mix.

That's it for now, really. Two weeks under my belt and my whole life ahead of me...

3 Comments:

Blogger Sarah said...

Now don't be so hard on yourself. As an extreme extrovert myself (and maybe you're not, Laura - I don't know you well enough to know that), I have a hard time being alone. I really didn't used to like myself (lots of reasons, pre-convesion, bad, bad things going on), but when I read your post, it made me think of the fact that some people (like extreme extroverts) have a hard time being alone. Period. It's because we get our energy from other people. I have only gotten better at it since being married to Prince Charming, aka Prince Introvert. There's an art to solitude not being lonliness.

And now I am rambling in your combox. Let's say I'm glad to see you back. Been missin ya. Glad you've made the big move successfully and saying little prayers for you. :)

9/26/2007 08:19:00 PM  
Blogger Laura H. said...

Thanks, Sarah. It's good to be back in the company of people like you...

9/27/2007 09:45:00 PM  
Blogger Mrs Jackie Parkes MJ said...

You're doing just fine! God bless

9/28/2007 08:34:00 AM  

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