On My Own

I've been "on my own" for about two weeks now, even though I still visit my parents' home quite often (for things I've left behind, to drop off things I've found in my car, and just to have people around..) and already things are happening to me that I wasn't expecting -- or perhaps I was hoping wouldn't happen. There have been no huge revelations or changes in my life - yet. Rather, I have accepted a thought or two that I am hoping, with the right "follow-through" will help me to be a happer, more successful person.

Here's the line of thought:
I don't really like myself very much. I don't enjoy me or being me or being with me. This poses a problem. I can't expect anyone else to like me, enjoy me, enjoy being with me until I can do those things. I think this might be the reason I surround myself with people who are happy and confident. It is as though I'm waiting for those things to rub off on me. Unfortunately for me, it doesn't work that way.

I think part of the reason I was so anxious about living alone is because I secretly knew that I'd have to learn to be with me... alone with me. I have to learn to enjoy myself and appreciate the good qualities I possess, few though they may be, before I can expect to establish and foster good, solid, healthy relationships (of all kinds). I have to be happy to be with me - just me - before I can think about adding other people to the mix.

That's it for now, really. Two weeks under my belt and my whole life ahead of me...