Friday, April 14, 2006

The Passion of Christ

Good Friday Mass - my favorite. I must admit, though, that tonight was more bitter sweet than usual.

My dog, Bessie, died today.

Unlike the death of Christ, we did not know how soon she would die. Unlike the resurrection of Christ, we know she will not rise. Unlike the eternity of Christ, we know she is gone forever. There is no heaven or hell for her - only death. She had no soul, no spirit, no hope for a life to come. She may have died alone... and that's all there was.

Puffy-eyed and tired I sit here and reflect on the day's events. I've lost my dog, my best friend, my little girl. I've lost my Savior. I've lost a piece of myself. I know the end to both love stories. Unfortunately, one has a much happier ending than the other.

I should be rejoicing at the fact that the one, the more important, is joyful.. but I cannot.

I feel ashamed in worrying so much about my dog on such an important day in the Triduum. Something in me still says it's okay. It is a constant battle between these things. I feel for Bessie more in that she has no soul that will live on for all eternity. She will not bask forever in the warmth of the love of God. She probably felt little comfort in hope when she was passing. She was probably alone and stayed that way.

It makes me think of Christ some. How alone He must have been on that cross. Even surrounded by people, how abandoned did He feel?

He asked His Father to take "this cup" from Him, not to save Himself, but to save his betrayer, Judas. Even in such a painfully dark time He was thinking of others. Why can my focus not be on this? Why must my focus be constantly reverted back to my dog?

I thought a lot tonight about the souls in purgatory, those in Hell, those here on earth who have fallen away and may not return. How lonely they must feel! If anything good came of Bessie's death it was my more profound recognition of the emptiness that is present without the love of God. How empty Bessie must have been! I am so sorry for those souls that are still so alone because they have refused to accept the love of God. I could not wish that pain for any person.

My thoughts are barely coherent, even to myself. I have attempted to collect them but this is to the best of my ability at this time. If any of you at any time in the near future can spare some prayers, I know my family would greatly appreciate them. We are all grieving in our own ways. I must say the most troubling is my young brother, the baby of the family. At the tender age of 8 he has already formed a tough shell. Staying strong for his two sisters, I never saw him shed a tear but did see him fighting them back (obviously with great success). He is definitely a worrier and I know this has affected him just as much as it has my sister and me. My sister was very vocal in her mourning and seems, at least on the outside, to be taking this the hardest. Me? Well, I've done this before (three times this year even) and I can do it again. Mostly I ask that you pray for my siblings. I know they could use all the comfort they can get right now.

5 Comments:

Blogger Daughter of St. John said...

Oh Dear, I am so sorry to hear this. You are in my prayers. Hang in there. One day at a time.

4/14/2006 11:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Peace Pilgrim said...

You have my deepest sympathy. Eight years ago, I lost my once-in-a-lifetime dog. I think of her every day, still. http://www.geocities.com/~olelo/shelties/laki.html

I am praying for you and your family. With Christ, all things are possible. I trust that He will find a way for us to be reunited one day with our beloved pets.

God bless you and may Our Lady wrap her loving and comforting arms around you.

4/15/2006 02:19:00 AM  
Blogger Julie D. said...

Laura, I'm so sorry to hear about Bessie. I will surely pray for everyone, because I'm sure that the entire family misses their good and faithful friend.

4/15/2006 08:55:00 AM  
Blogger Laura H. said...

Thanks, y'all. I appreciate it and I will certainly pass on the messages to my family.

4/15/2006 10:07:00 AM  
Blogger John said...

Laura, I'm sorry about Bessie, it tough to lose a pet. Don't feel bad about missing your Bessie either - my Buddy has been gone for over 5 years and I still think about him and miss him. After the death of my first wife it was that dog that kept me from losing my sanity and perhaps even my life. Soul or not, spirit or not, I loved that dog! You love yours and don't be fretting about it!

John
http://stblogsparish.com

4/16/2006 06:20:00 PM  

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