Monday, August 28, 2006

Whatever it is, I like it. I like it a lot.

I love attending daily mass (as my body will allow it) - it is simple and so profound. I usually get more from my daily mass experience than the one on Sunday. I still can't tell if our pastor says it differently (perhaps with a little more passion) or if it is the utter stillness there that makes it so different. Perhaps I am more distracted than I realize on Sundays and so I do not appreciate the full beauty of what is happening before me. Perhaps, though, our pastor is more distracted on Sundays, by text messaging, sleepy heads, and whispering...

Whatever it is, I like it. I like it a lot. And today was better than the rest. Not only was it the memorial of Saint Augustine (one of my favorites), it was rainy and so very dreary outside. I love feeling safe from the elements inside those walls. There is a certain feeling of nostalgia in those moments - remembering back to the times I was young and at Mass with my school friends.. perhaps times when we lost electricity and, despite the chatter from anxious young ones, the priest would continue on.

To add to the feelings was a beautiful and most perfect homily (for me in this time). I truly felt the Holy Spirit working in and through our pastor this morning. I knew sitting there that I was being spoken to. I was singled out (though I would not doubt others were as well) and spoken to in a way which would set me on a straight path once more. Our pastor opened with one of his favorite quotes of Saint Augustine (and now certainly one of mine): "The God who created you without your consent will not save you without your cooperation." ((The wording of this quote will of course vary from source to source.)) He went on to talk extensively about living faith not through eyes that see ourselves, but eyes that strive to see Christ in ourselves. He spoke about our duty to live our lives according to Christ's will - that all of our actions be what Christ wants, not what we want. Faith and living is never about us but rather about our God. We do what we do not for the way others see us but the way others see Christ in us. We do not strive to seem pious to others but to have others look at us and praise God.

I certainly could never repeat exactly the words which were used, nor could I come close to portraying the ideas that were portrayed then. Hopefully, though, some sense of what our pastor said came to you in that last paragraph.

Sitting there in the pew I realized something -- something big and small at the same time and in the same way. I wish I could find the words to articulate what it is. I think, though, that it may be too soon. It is still such a big thought that even now I have trouble wrapping my mind around it fully. Maybe after some rest (I worked all night) and quiet contemplation I will be able to express myself. Perhaps I will not. God will surely make known to me whether or not this was meant only to be a private revelation or if it was an experience to be shared and possibly enjoyed by others.

I don't know what it is about daily mass that is so different. Whatever it is, I like it. I like it a lot.


Blogger Sarah said...

Laura, there's something about daily Mass for me too. I hope your revelation today is one you can share...because I haven't had the words to explain this fabulous phenomenon either! :)

8/28/2006 08:47:00 PM  
Blogger ~m2~ said...

i am also another daily Mass attendee (when i can) and there is something very special about it - maybe it is because we are all there because we want to be, not because we are *obligated*?

i always pray for the folks i don't see there because most of them are older and frail - in fact, one of the men who used to say *amen* at the same time i did, daily, hasn't been there and last time i saw him, he wasn't looking so hot. i said a prayer for him and at the end of Mass, Monsignor announced his passing and said when the funeral arrangements were. i was really sad, but glad i prayed for him when i felt moved to.

it is very comforting and safe when i am within the walls of the church, especially after having received the Eucharist. i never want to leave.

8/30/2006 05:07:00 AM  
Blogger Laura H. said...

that's great, m2. and i have to say i'm the same way about never wanting to leave. sometimes it is hard to take myself out and get done what 'needs to be done'.

8/30/2006 12:54:00 PM  

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