...and if not...

Attn: Everyone - Recall Notice!

2009-03-30T14:01:00.002-05:00

Recall Notice

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.  Some other symptoms include:

Loss of direction 
Foul vocal emissions
Amnesia of origin
Lack of peace and joy
Selfish or violent behavior
Depression or confusion in the mental component
Fearfulness
Idolatry
Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.  The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:

Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B..L.E (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.  WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.  DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.  

Thank you for your attention! 

-GOD

P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by "knee-mail."

40 Day Giveaway

2009-03-21T15:54:00.003-05:00

Wow. It's been a while since I've written here. Didn't realize it had been this long!! Sorry!!

I wanted to tell y'all today about something I should have mentioned a really long time ago!! This guy Flip (member of phatmass, point5covenant, SMU alum, Catholic center worker, friend of dUSt, etc.) has been video-blogging his lenten journey. Here's the premise:

For Lent 2009, I have selected 40 items in my closet/apartment and will give each item away daily until Easter.

It really is that simple. Each item has some meaning to him and he gives a little history about everything he gives away. His videos are fun and fresh. And hey! If you live in Dallas and don't get out much, you'll probably discover some fun new dives. I've been to most of the places he's been blogging from (and love them just as much) but I did "discover" a coffee shop I hadn't been to before. Sweet!

Click the picture to see his project!! You won't want to miss this!

Runnin' the Race

2009-03-04T13:36:00.002-06:00

I was talking to my friend Katie this morning and she though this would be "blog appropriate." Here ya go:

I’ve been keeping a journal for the past couple of weeks. When I started it, it was just a journal, just a place to write down what was happening and how I felt about it. It was alright for a while but I wasn’t sure how long I would actually keep it up. As can be seen here, I have a hard time writing when expectations creep up.

I was talking to a friend one morning about it and told her I decided to make my journal letters to God. We had talked about needing to develop a more personal relationship with God and this was my way. I do best when I write. I can write to God like I would talk to her. I started that same day.

It’s been about a week now and it’s been wonderful. I love it. And I love this personal connection I’m beginning to develop. I’ve never had a connection like I have now. I’ve had a connection, but not an intimate one. It was always very formal, rigid, uncomfortable.

This morning while I was driving to get coffee I was reflecting on this development in my life. And then it came to me:

God is like a good race spectator: forever cheering you on - even when and ESPECIALLY when you are slowing down, feel like you might die, and really just want to throw in the towel. He’s the one waiting for you at the Finish Line cheering like you’re the first person ever to cross it even though a thousand more have crossed before you.

His graces are to the soul what water is to the body. They’re available to everyone but only you can choose to receive them and to be nourished by them.

Pretty cool, huh?

Strange Happenings in the Land of Laura

2009-02-25T13:34:00.004-06:00

The Land of Laura is an interesting place. (I just decided that the Land of Laura is the name of the place that sits behind my eyes and between my two ears.) Here are some things I've laughed about today:

When commenting on a friend's facebook status, I wanted to reference the egg that fell off the wall in the childhood nursery rhyme. Do you follow? It took a while for me to figure out what his name was. Then I had to google it. I was saying things like "humpity dumpty? humpidty dumpity? humpy dumpity?" to myself for what was probably close to a solid minute. Then when I finally figured it out and posted the comment, I laughed. Moments like that - the ones that are so silly and random and seemingly dumb - just make me who I am. I have them constantly - waaaay more than most people know.

Can I share that I make a lot of ear wax? Is that gross? I'm just trying to be real. Telling you that I have an issue with the buildup of soft ear wax and that my feet sweat (a lot) helps me to take myself a lot less seriously. It's amazing how light and fun and free I feel when I share things like that. You should try it.

Another funny thing that happened to me today that happens to me way more than people know: ... Well actually before I get into that I should say that only one person knows this happens to me and she only heard about it today. Good times. Okay, so I was intending to go to wordpress (where I have another blog - yes I have 3!!) and instead went to Wikipedia. I had started to type Wordpress when I thought of something else and watched myself type Wikipedia. The funny part? I wasn't thinking Wikipedia. My brain just kinda went its own direction on that one. And yes, similar things happen to me daily.

I bought a new journal (soft cover moleskine, my love) and with the exception of a couple days, I've been really great about writing a couple pages each night. When I'm journaling, I'll sometimes write words that I do not mean to write because I start thinking about something else. And the worst part is that the words I write not only are not the words I intended, they also have nothing to do with the thought that came blazing through my little brain. They are just random words that start with the same letter... if I'm lucky! Sometimes I don't even get that. (Hello, Ghostwriter!) And then, so I don't have to look stupid (in my own journal, the journal that only I see and is carried with me everywhere to ensure it), I work it into whatever I was saying. Because, well, you know, some day someone is probably going to read that journal. And I can't distract them from the brilliance of my life story by crossing through something. (Hahahaha!)

Well that felt good. I hope you enjoyed these fun stories from the Land of Laura. If you didn't, that totally sucks. You have now lost two minutes of your life to something you did not enjoy. If you did, stick around. There's lots more crazy where that came from!

Quick Note

2009-02-24T17:45:00.002-06:00

I'm hoping to get back to my old writing soon. I know it's been a lot of "other stuff" around here for a while and I'm ready to change that! Can't wait to see all my old faces again!!

Lent: A Time of Fasting and Feasting

2009-02-24T17:36:00.003-06:00

a repost from lent '06...

Yes, it's true. We can fast and feast this Lent. I have seen this on a few journals and I really like it. I liked it enough to pass it along in fact.

+Fast from judging others ... feast on the Christ indwelling in them.
It is easy to judge others and not ourselves. Let us purify ourselves of this today and share in the piece of Christ that is in each person we meet.

+Fast from emphasis on differences ... feast on the unity of life.
We are called to unite our sufferings especially during this Lenten season. Let us gather together and bear our crosses as one people in the name of Christ.

+Fast from apparent darkness ... feast on the reality of light.
It is easy to be burdened by troubles of this world but let us not forget the ever radiant light which is God's love for us.

+Fast from thoughts of illness ... feast on the healing power of God.
Let us shift our focus from our physical pains and realize more deeply the spiritual healing God makes available to us, especially in the sacrament of reconciliation.

+Fast from words that pollute ... feast on phrases that purify.
Especially during this season let us question ourselves on everything we think, do, or say: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

+Fast from discontent ... feast on gratitude.
Praise God and give thanks for His abundant blessings. Let us rejoice in our dry periods and hold fast to the grace and mercy of God.

+Fast from anger ... feast on patience.
It is easy to be angry and more challenging to be patient. During this season, let us work more than ever on the virtue of patience (and charity).

+Fast from pessimism ... feast on optimism.
When things aren't going our way we hiss and pout. Let us instead find the lessons in each thing we do, whether they happen according to our preference or not.

+Fast from worry ... feast on divine order.
When things get us down it is difficult to remember the bright side of this. Let us pray for confidence in Him and ask for our hearts to be molded to His Divine Will.

+Fast from complaining ... feast on appreciation.
God has blessed each of us abundantly. Let us be appreciative of each hidden blessing and not allow our sour attitudes ruin a chance for grace and growth.

+Fast from negatives ... feast on affirmatives.
This Lent, instead of criticizing or fingering each wrong decision, let us provide those whom we love with affirmations of their purposeful strides to overcome sin and attain sainthood.

+Fast from unrelenting pressures ... feast on unceasing prayer.
If we live each moment as a prayer we should more appropriately and successfully accomplish those things which are in line with His Divine Will.

+Fast from hostility ... feast on resistance.
Let us this Lent resist the temptation to foster hostility. Let us shine forth at all times the light of Christ's love.

+Fast from bitterness ... feast on forgiveness.
Let go of trivial emotions which hinder forgiveness. God who is all loving and all good forgives each of those who seek reconciliation. Let us not deny our brothers and sisters in Christ.

+Fast from self-concern ... feast on compassion for others.
So many times we are self-centered and self-loving. Let us this Lent turn from our own needs and offer our attention to the needs of the lowliest of these.

+Fast from personal anxiety ... feast on eternal truth.
It is easy to be consumed in this world by the trials of daily life. Let us seek out His promises and hold fast to them always.

+Fast from discouragement ... feast on hope.
Do not dispair. God has a plan and in it there is much hope. Believe that He knows better than even ourselves what is best. Trust Him and He will see you through.

+Fast from facts that depress ... feast on truths that uplift.
Instead of dwelling on the negatives of our surroundings, we should seek out the truths that inspire and uplift us. Let us not seek our own depression but do everything in our power to remain hopeful.

+Fast from lethargy ... feast on enthusiasm.
Productiveness in faith is the most important in all of our lives. Let us enthusiastically learn about our faith and grow closer to our God.

+Fast from suspicion ... feast on truth.
Speculation and assumption should be left to the lawyers of the world. Instead of harboring ill thoughts due to suspicion, rejoice in what you know.

+Fast from thoughts that weaken ... feast on promises that inspire.
The devil will tempt us and lead us to feel and think we are alone and abandoned. Turn from the evil one and remember what God has promised us.

+Fast from shadows of sorrow ... feast on sunlight of renity.
Sorrowful distractions are from the evil one and prevent us from focusing on the healing power and the overwhelming mercy of our God. Let us turn from these and focus on Christ in the Eucharist. He who saves us will comfort us.

+Fast from idle gossip ... feast on purposeful silence.
Let us refrain from anything that is not kind, true, and necessary. Let us spend this time quietly in the everlasting presence of God.

If we can do these things I believe our Lenten season will be truly blessed. Think about it. Use it. ENJOY IT. [All of the italicized text are my own words. I despair at their inadequacy but recognize a chance to grow in humility. I pray my efforts are not in vain but rather prove to be a grace from God.]

St. Thomas Aquinas, the dumb ox, pray for us! St. Maria Goretti, pray for us! St. John of the Cross, pray for us! Sts. Francis and Clare, pray for us! All the angels and saints, pray for us!

(By the way, my Stations of the Cross recording will hopefully be up again sometime soon!! I hosted it in a temporary spot the last time I posted it.)

Parents' Worst Nightmare

2009-02-22T21:35:00.002-06:00

Your baby is born premature because mom needs a new liver and the only way to save mom and baby is to deliver early and hope for a transplant. You deliver early, get your transplant within days, and you both go home (after ICU for weeks on end). It's a miracle. Life is good.

Then tragedy hits and instead of consoling you, you're charged with murder. It happened to a family in California. Read about it here and please, if you will, say a prayer.

Prayers, if you please

2009-02-19T23:38:00.002-06:00

My mother (yes, "mommy") is the strongest (read: toughest/most stubborn) woman I know. For reals. (Yes, I said for reals.) She had to have surgery today and unfortunately came out sporting about three times as many incisions as are normal for the operation she underwent. She's in a lot of pain tonight. It was really hard for me not to cry in her room. I tried to be strong for her and the kids. It crushed my heart though. I hated listening to her moans of pain, watching her cry and say, "I can't do this."

Anyway, please pray for her comfort and peace. The morphine drip is helping to take the edge off (that should tell you something) but it's still really difficult. I pray she gets some sleep... and some REST!

Please keep her in your prayers. We hope to have her home again tomorrow.

Nutella: What's the big deal?

2009-02-09T12:18:00.004-06:00

I feel I might be flogged (figuratively) by the blogging community - perhaps the community at large - for expressing my passiveness on the subject of Nutella.

When I first heard about the stuff, I had high hopes. Everyone I knew absolutely loved the stuff. In fact, for a while, it was all I heard about. Nutella, nutella, nutella.

Friends were posting pictures of Nutella-covered mouths, faces, and hands.

I heard of the wonders of Nutella on just about everything... and the sensory overload of Nutella by itself.

"That's it," I thought. "I must get some Nutella."

So after a long trip to the grocery store (I have a really hard time asking for help... and I had a hard time finding the stuff...), I returned home with my jar of Nutella. I quickly derobed and got into my best Nutella-eating outfit. I couldn't wait to have my first Nutella experience.

Removing the lid and peeling back the seal, I dove in. "Oh my goodness," I thought to myself. "I am SO excited. This is going to be great! Oh, Nutella, my love! We meet at last!"

And then the first taste. And disappointment. And semi-disgust.

What the hell were people thinking? It wasn't even that GOOD. It was alright. But it wasn't great. Who the heck started this craze?

And that's how I've felt about Nutella ever since. I tried it once and put the jar in the pantry. For all I know, it may still be in the pantry. I will likely never buy Nutella again and I will certainly never subject my kids to it.

By the way, I think it's absolutely criminal that the makers of Nutella suggest slabbing the stuff onto a croissant. A croissant, people!! Croissants are a delicacy that should not be tinkered with. Especially if we're talking about Nutella. Good grief.

Torn ligament or torn cartilage? Any bets?

2009-01-31T08:45:00.002-06:00

This was copied from my Training blog at a health site. I've only typed out the story twice and I'm already sick of doing it. Haha.

So I blogged a few days ago about a knee injury. The longer I sat to think about it (I was forced too - I’ll explain in a sec), the more and more I realized just how seriously silly I can be sometimes.

After about a week of hobbling around, trying here and there to run a little, I could no longer take the pain and moseyed on down to the ER. They asked me all kinds of questions about the initial injury and the pain I was experiencing. When forced to actually think about it, here’s what I came up with:

The initial Boom! Clank! POP!! was at least a month ago. I stood from a stool to stretch my legs out because my knees were kind of sore. I had been helping a friend move that day so it didn’t really concern me too much. But as I stretched out my left leg, my knee popped backwards. Yes, hyperextension. (Not fun!) The pain was intense to say the least. I never did check to see if it was swollen. I just shrugged it off as best I could (wasn’t easy) and went on with my life. I felt the effects for about three to four days but then didn’t notice it hardly at all.

Then I started running.

Last Thursday I went out for a run before choir rehearsal and couldn’t run more than a few seconds without wanting to scream from the pain I was feeling. Deciding I’d rather walk a short distance in the time I had than to keel over where no one would find me til morning, I took it easy on myself.

By last night the pain was so intense I wanted to cry with every step I took.

Two hours and one X-ray later (and many rounds of “Yes, I really ran on it for two weeks,” with various staff), I was told I hadn’t broken a bone and based on my presenting symptoms, would need to see an orthopedic specialist. So they immobilized me, put me on crutches, handed me a script, and sent me away.

The expressions on the faces of some of the medical staff there were priceless. I wanted to laugh but was in so much pain, I mostly just smirked. Yep. I’m silly sometimes.

So needless to say I’ll not be doing any kind of running in the next few weeks. With no medical insurance, it may be a few MONTHS before I’m able to hit the streets again.

The crutches are already a pain in the neck. I have moments of wanting to ditch the crutches, tear off the brace and break out in a full sprint but am fully aware I wouldn’t make it three feet before falling over, swearing in pain.

*Sigh*

P.S. In my last post I said my knees looked relatively the same. Apparently that was my wishful thinking. A friend gasped when she saw my knee last night and the nurses each commented on how clearly swollen the left knee was. Whoops.

Sharing My Favorites: Fat Cyclist

2009-01-28T16:55:00.003-06:00

So I've decided (in the last five minutes) that a "favorite" doesn't necessarily mean that they've stood the test of time. They can be labeled a favorite within minutes, seconds even if it comes to that. This won't happen often so don't get scared or excited. This blog was just too good not to share.

Fat Cyclist started when Elden ("Fatty" as he's termed himself) needed motivation to lose weight. Short story shorter, he started a blog to post his weight publicly every day. Not wanting to just post his weight, he wrote stories to share too.

What's he up to now? Let him tell you:

Besides being a middle-aged guy who loves cycling, I’m also the father of four kids (2 boys, identical twin girls), and the husband of a woman — Susan — who is fighting metastatic breast cancer.

Even if you aren't into cycling, you'll probably still enjoy reading some about his family and his life. His energy is such, however, that you'd probably end up reading the cycling posts too! Love it!

Check him out and while you're there, maybe consider helping him raise money to fight cancer. All proceeds of the Team Fatty raffles this year go straight to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. What raffle? Only the coolest/best raffle I've seen ... EVER.

Donating in increments of $100.00 could also land you one of these, made by Susan herself:

Remember Susan is the one battling cancer. Isn't that neat? I love, love, love the bracelets but what I love more is that she's able to make them. I also love that the money you put towards getting one goes to such an awesome cause.

Please do consider stopping by and at least offering up a word of support! With four kids and a sick wife, I'm sure every note of encouragement is appreciated - even if not each of them is read with full consciousness! :oP

Monogram Chick

2009-01-28T11:41:00.003-06:00

Pretty sure I've mentioned her blog before and if I haven't, shame on me! She has a great variety of offerings - many perfect for gift-giving! (Hint, hint! Haha)

Anyway, this post is to tell you: She's just introduced a new product! Yup! Go check it out!

Also, while you're there, check out these cosmetic bags!! Aren't they adORable!? I've already planned several of them as gifts for friends.

Feast of St. Thomas Aquinas

2009-01-28T10:53:00.002-06:00

Today is the feast of St. Thomas Aquinas, one of my absolute favorite saints! I'll hopefully be able to update this later with a little about "the Dumb Ox." Until then, St. Thomas Aquinas, pray for us!

Homily later, blog now

2009-01-26T12:39:00.003-06:00

So I haven't been posting much lately because there are some parts of my life that I just don't consider public. Quickly, here's what I'm up to:

1. Running

My friend Nikki just started her own runner's training program - Runwell - and I've joined the newbie boot camp. It's kicking my butt but I love it. I've somehow managed to injure my left knee, however, so it looks like I'll be out of commission until at least Saturday when I can get in to see someone about it. Check out Nikki's site at http://www.runwelltraining.com - and sign up if you want! The coaches are amazing (very encouraging and supportive while they kick your butt! haha) and the people training are fun. We spent a good fifteen minutes in the parking lot last week after a run just laughing and having a good time. One guy even remarked, "Forget the running. I'm coming for the conversation after!"

2. Choir

Still singing. Still love it.

3. Work

It's what we do.

4. Friends

I have a great group of girlfriends that I just love and I see them a few days a week. Their energy has had a really awesome effect on me and I'm grateful for their friendship.

5. CRHP

From Julie D. : WHAT IS CRHP?

Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP, pronounced "chirp")
A two-day retreat held in isolation from the world, but on church premises, for 36 men one weekend and 36 women the following weekend. The main emphasis during that time is a series of witnesses telling of their personal encounter with Christ based on one of a variety of topics, such as Renewal, Reconciliation, Discipleship, etc. The retreat participants can then go on with their "team" to a series of weekly meetings that go on for six months while they study Scripture and prepare to give the next retreat. More in-depth reflection found here.

That's pretty much all I can cram into my schedule. And I love every minute of it. :)

While I'm here, check out this new blog I found: http://bakerella.blogspot.com/ Love it!

And I'll get to the homily thing next time... :o) Until then, be holy!

Gut Reaction

2009-01-19T15:36:00.002-06:00

I had mine. What was yours?

(I'll tell you mine later...)

Violet? Really?

2009-01-12T16:16:00.001-06:00

VIOLET

You surround yourself with art and music and are constantly driven to express yourself. You often daydream. You prefer honesty in your relationships and believe strongly in your personal morals.

Find out your color at QuizMeme.com!

Found at Happy Catholic

LKF

2008-12-23T12:27:00.002-06:00

A little known fact about me: I'm crazy about grammar and spelling. I am certainly not perfect but I do my best to be educated and precise in my writing and speech. On that note, here's a little something I read recently that greatly satisfied my prideful streak, as it relates to grammar and proper English:

The misuse of “I” and “myself” for “me” is caused by nervousness about “me.”

It's an article I found on the Washington State University site, via Google. Read, be informed, speak well. Please.

Things I love

2008-12-22T14:18:00.003-06:00

Jessica Claire is sharing herself with us and is asking for us to do the same with her (in the comments). I decided to bring one back here with me to share with you.

Something I love:

Knitting in the quiet after midnight in my pajamas, days before Christmas/birthday/anniversary for someone I love and adore, thinking of their smile and laugh, that radiance which comes when they are truly pleased.

I love to love. :) How 'bout y'all?

Sharing My Favorites - Erin Vey

2008-12-12T12:04:00.010-06:00

Part of sharing myself with you is sharing the people in my life - on many different levels and planes - who affect me positively, inspire me to be bold, different, true. It is my sincere hope that you will like these people too - that you might find in their stories a source of inspiration, hope, or joy.

It is with that intent that I plan to feature people here who have brought those things to me, mostly unknowingly. Today I'll start with Erin Vey.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am passionate about a great many arts, one of which is photography. With the help of my google reader, I follow about 40 photographers on a consistent basis. I look at their art, take mental notes, and soak in their brilliant personalities as best one can through the blogsphere.

Erin is one of my absolute favorites. Not only is she a brilliant photographer, she has one of the most gorgeous subjects of all time... Miss Gracie!

Click on any of the photographs to see the original post by Erin.

Erin is a Dog Photographer and I would dare say the best I have ever seen. Her style is classic, funky, fresh, real.

She has an unreal eye for capturing the beauty and essence of each animal she photographs.

Not only does she clearly understand the significance of the relationship between a dog and his owner, she appreciates it in a way so profound, it can't help but emanate from her work. You see her photographs and you KNOW she loves this. She loves THEM.

Erin is a truly talented and exceptional person. I've never met her in person and likely never will. She will likely not see this post nor ever know my name. The love she has for her work, however, has touched my life and my person and for that I am truly grateful.

I am happy to share this gem of a person with you and hope you will stop by to see her often!

(And if you have a dog-lover in your life, be sure to purchase Miss Gracie's 2009 Calendar! It's sure to please.)

Until next time...

Neither here nor there

2008-12-11T14:32:00.007-06:00

I think I'm going to start calling all of my "random" posts "Neither here nor there". Sounds like a name I could live with. I suppose it's neither here nor there.

Oh, come on. That was funny.

It made me laugh.

Anyway, I decided that it was high time to stop dreaming about all the wonderful things I wanted to do in life and just go about doing something concrete and productive. This is not to say I've stopped dreaming, it's just that I've also started doing. Dreaming and doing. It's wonderful.

Speaking of dreaming, I'm dreaming of winning this contest. I'd love to keep it all to myself, but that wouldn't be very friendly and giving of me. I strive to be friendly and giving. Don't let my stink-eye scare you away. You don't know about the stink eye? Then you don't know me! I mean... isn't this damask thank you card just lovely?!

Hurry on over and enter the giveaway! And don't forget to mosey around the blog while you're there. Heck, go ahead and add it to your google reader like I did! You can never have enough blogs to read...

Speaking of reading blogs, how is it that I now come to a reader each day with over 150 unread posts?! That's unreal. UN-REAL. Actually, it's very real. Which is why I'm telling you about it. But enough about me... more about me!

I was looking through images on my cell phone again the other night trying to decide which ones I simply must keep and which ones I could delete. The thought of parting with any of them is way more overwhelming that it should be but somehow accepting and sharing my psychosis as it relates to such a trivial matter makes me feel okay with it.

What was I talking about? Oh right. Cell phone pictures. I found this one:

Is this not a gorgeous cat? My eyes are already watering and burning and itching and driving me nutty just looking at the photo but really! It's beautiful!! -- What is it anyway with developing allergies so late in life? I mean, this wasn't a problem when I was young the way it is now. What gives?

My birthday is Sunday and I'm honestly dreading it. I think this is the first year I can remember that I actually wish I could just skip the day. Last year some families for whom I babysit threw a party at Matt's, a local Mexican restaurant, for me when my own plans failed to execute. It was a big birthday last year and I thought I had to do something. I'm glad I did but... I'm just not really up for any of it this year. I don't like the big fuss. It's just another Sunday.

Some things I am not dreading and for which I must remember to be grateful:

- Helping a friend pack for her move to Kansas as she was recently engaged! I'll miss her terribly but am ecstatic for her and this new chapter in her life.

- CRHP get-together on the 15th (those girls are just lovely), wrapping party tonight, and cookie swap (hosted by a CRHP sister) on Sunday

- Helping with the Magi Tree sorting and distribution on Saturday

Not to mention the White Rock Marathon is Sunday morning and I cannot WAIT!! Wanting so very desperately to venture into running myself, this is one of the highlights of my December.

In November, I volunteered for the DRC Half Marathon. I called times at Mile 9 and had a blast. I had almost lost my voice by the end of it but it was still fun. I loved watching my friends pass, sweat gleaming and smiles shining. So awesome!

Since I've nothing more to say, I'm checking out before I totally lose all readership I may have gained the past five minutes. Peace!

Mark Shea to visit Dallas!

2008-12-10T15:34:00.002-06:00

Mark Windsor writes

It's confirmed.

Mark Shea will be at St. Anthony's in Wylie on January 24.

Festivities commence at 9:45 with 101 Reasons NOT to be Catholic.
Continuing at 10:45 with This is My Body: An Evangelical Discovers the Real Presence.

Lunch (hotdogs...nothin' too fancy) at 11:30.

The final talk is at 11:45 - Making Senses Out of Scripture: Reading the Bible as the First Christians Did.

See Mr. Shea's blog here.

I'm very much looking forward to this! Woohoo!

a little about the design

2008-12-05T13:24:00.004-06:00

I really enjoy having themed designs here at the blog. In the past I've only really had themes for Lent and Easter. And actually, that was really only holy week and the first week of Easter!

When I saw these candles, I knew I had to have them as a part of the blog! Obviously I will "light" each candle as the weeks progress through this advent season. I chose black as the overall background color to portray (though not very artistically) the sense of the world being in darkness as it awaits its King.

I hope you all enjoy it. I'm so glad to be back!

Lenten/Advent Meditation – “Loves desires to see God” - St. Peter Chrysologus

2008-12-05T12:09:00.001-06:00

From Micah, who stumbled upon this blog recently...

When God saw the world falling to ruin because of fear, he immediately acted to call it back to himself with love. He invited it by his grace, preserved it by his love, and embraced it with compassion. When the earth had become hardened in evil, God sent the flood both to punish and to release it. He called Noah to be the father of a new era, urged him with kind words, and showed that he trusted him; he gave him fatherly instruction about the present calamity, and through his grace consoled him with hope for the future. But God did not merely issue commands; rather with Noah sharing the work, he filled the ark with the future seed of the whole world. The sense of loving fellowship thus engendered removed servile fear, and a mutual love could continue to preserve what shared labor had effected.

God called Abraham out of the heathen world, symbolically lengthened his name, and made him the father of all believers. God walked with him on his journeys, protected him in foreign lands, enriched him with earthly possessions, and honored him with victories. He made a covenant with him, saved him from harm, accepted his hospitality, and astonished him by giving him the offspring he had despaired of. Favored with so many graces and drawn by such great sweetness of divine love, Abraham was to learn to love God rather that fear him, and love rather than fear was to inspire his worship.

God comforted Jacob by a dream during his flight, roused him to combat upon his return, and encircled him with a wrestler's embrace to teach him not to be afraid of the author of the conflict, but to love him. God called Moses as a father would, and with fatherly affection invited him to become the liberator of his people.

In all the events we have recalled, the flame of divine love enkindled human hearts and its intoxication overflowed into men's senses. Wounded by love, they longed to look upon God with their bodily eyes. Yet how could our narrow human vision apprehend God, whom the whole world cannot contain? But the law of love is not concerned with what will be, what ought to be, what can be. Love does not reflect; it is unreasonable and knows no moderation. Love refuses to be consoled when its goal proves impossible, despises all hindrances to the attainment of its object. Love destroys the lover if he cannot obtain what he loves; love follows its own promptings, and does not think of right and wrong. Love inflames desire which impels it toward things that are forbidden. But why continue?

It is intolerable for love not to see the object of its longing. That is why whatever reward they merited was nothing to the saints if they could not see the Lord. A love that desires to see God may not have reasonableness on its side, but it is the evidence of filial love. It gave Moses the temerity to say: If I have found favor in your eyes, show me your face. It inspired the psalmist to make the same prayer: Show me your face. Even the pagans made their images for this purpose: they wanted actually to see what they mistakenly revered.

Coming Home

2008-12-04T14:51:00.001-06:00

I'll be moving back here again. Just because the feel of my blog has changed doesn't mean I need to change addresses! So, I'll be moving the other posts here as soon as I can. Please be patient! :)

Thanks!

All choked up...

2008-11-12T07:10:00.000-06:00

Brace yourself, and then say a prayer.

Aaron Michael Murphy is finally "here"!

2008-10-31T15:26:00.000-05:00

Aaron Michael Murphy was born earlier today. He weighs 5 lbs 5 oz and we didn't get his length. Isn't he just PRECIOUS?!

Congratulations Jennie and Micah! He's beautiful!

God help the outcast

2008-10-29T18:22:00.000-05:00

I think of the words from a Disney movie (I know, I know) as I wipe away the tears from the viewing of this video: God help the outcasts / Hungry from birth / Show them the mercy / They don't find on earth.

Lord, have mercy on your people.

Message From The Queen to the United States of America

2008-10-27T16:36:00.000-05:00

The following was picked up from a clergy friend of mine from Australia. (Thanks, Cappie!)

Cappie says: "This email is doing the rounds in Australia :)"

-------
Message From The Queen

In the light of your recent economic mess and failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves effectively, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

------------------------

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English.. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

-------------------

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

-----------------

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist,then you're not ready to shoot grouse..

----------------------

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

----------------------

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

--------------------

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

-------------------

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

-------------------

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

---------------------

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a coagulated milk grater.

---------------------

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies)..

---------------------

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

--------------------

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

-----------------

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

---------------

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

---
Thanks again, Cappie, for the laugh!

Americans are lazy...

2008-10-16T18:14:00.000-05:00

...as the whole world may be to some degree.

Checking Google reader just moments ago, I read the following:

Tips and tricks

You can hit the space key to page down and/or move to the next item. This way you can move through your reading list by using only a single finger.

I find it somewhat humorous that Google took hours of programming time and money to design a usable interface requiring only a single finger to scroll through blog posts... and even more hilarious that they took more time to let us know it was possible.

Thank you, Google Reader, for supporting - maybe even encouraging - obesity in America. Your parents should be proud.

Quick Note

2008-10-13T16:39:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note, a bit of an update.

In the years that I've been blogging, I've always been on-again, off-again. It takes a lot to blog well. You have to be dedicated, consistent and thorough. While I'd like to say it's the quality of what you post and not the quantity, that's simply not the truth. If you blog occasionally and have profound, interesting, or thought-provoking things to say, you may or may not generate a readership. If you do it will likely be small. If you go extended periods without posting, it is likely that group will start to dwindle. People will come and go, replacing each other sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. If you blog often but have nothing of any real consequence to say, it is likely you will gain a larger readership, though maybe not a loyal one. They may come and go but the chances of an extended length visitor increase simply because you have more content. If you post often AND your material is good (even here and there), like Happy Catholic, you are likely to gain a steady and large readership.

I fall into the "I never post and usually say nothing of any interest to anyone outside my home" category. And so I have never had a large readership. And that's alright.

This is me saying that if you stumble upon this blog, laugh, cry, or think a little, don't expect it to ever happen again. Expectations kill, especially with me and this blog!

That being said, I will now go on.

This weekend I went on a parish retreat, Christ Renews His Parish. It was beyond amazing. I truly had a spiritual experience. I'm sure you're thinking, "well DUH laura. you were on a CHURCH RETREAT." Those who know me know that I have been on many, many retreats. I've been to good ones, mediocre ones, and downright awful ones. I've even seen the Pope at World Youth Day. I'm not one to promote this kind of stuff, especially someplace like this, but seriously y'all, this retreat was awesome.

In fact, the intensity of what I got from the retreat cannot be adequately described or communicated in human words or expressions. It's one of those dance-because-you-feel-like-bustin, sing-because-you-cant-just-talk, cry-because-you-need-to-release-some-emotion feelings.

I am overwhelmed with joy and peace. And as my new favorite song so perfectly says, "it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace." Yes, it feels like chaos - in my heart, my mind, my body (maybe that's a lack of sleep... hmmm...) - but somehow, there's PEACE.

A big, warm, heartfelt thank you to the women of CRHP Team 13. You are forever my earthly angels!

"The Prioress" is moving...

2008-09-19T16:04:00.001-05:00

Your result for The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test...

The Prioress

You scored 13% Cardinal, 54% Monk, 62% Lady, and 35% Knight!

You are a moral person and are also highly intellectual. You like your solitude but are also kind and helpful to those around you. Guided by a belief in the goodness of mankind you will likely be christened a saint after your life is over.

You scored high as both the Lady and the Monk. You can try again to get a more precise description of either the Monk or the lady, or you can be happy that you're an individual.

Take The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test at HelloQuizzy

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

Here's my official notice of new residency. Hope to see you there!

Good God

2008-08-20T17:52:00.002-05:00

So it's been a while since I've been around here. Truth be told, I don't really know what to say here. Life is moving a million miles a minute. Anything I think I might like to put here I often won't because I think it will be of little value to anyone else. Or, any other time, I simply thing I have nothing to say.

Recently, I was sitting thinking about God. I was trying to come up with words to describe my conception of "my" God. It's more difficult than you think...

So then I got to wondering... what is YOUR conception of God? Certainly it is different than mine, even if we profess the same faith. So what is it? Let's hear it. -- And yes, I am being completely serious. Please comment here or email me with your conception of God. You don't have to put your name on it if you don't feel comfortable doing so. This question is less about you and more about me. I'm not here to judge your concept, especially given that it's YOURS! I believe we will all have our own concept and that it's okay that way. I really want to dive deeper into my concept of God so that I might finally know. I think for too long it's been what someone else says God is and not what I believe God to be. I'm just doing some soul-searching, if ya feel me.

Tell me, will ya help a sista out?

Lindsay is gone and it's all too soon...

2008-07-03T06:52:00.003-05:00

Not that there's ever really an "okay" or "easy" age to die, Lindsay is gone much too soon. She was in the car with her boyfriend Ty just a few weeks ago when they got into an accident and she was left with severe brain trauma. Her boyfriend had some broken bones but for the most part made it out okay. And Ty was by her bedside like a faithful boyfriend. The doctors put her into a drug-induced coma in order to allow her body to heal as naturally as possible. It seemed as though she was doing well, smiling and squeezing in just the last week.

Last night I missed several phone calls and then received a text to tell me Linds had passed. I've only begun to process that. Linds and I weren't great friends. In fact, our friendship was only beginning. We met through one of her three roommates at UNT and had hung out in Dallas together a few times. She was a spirited girl and fun to be around. Linds was one of those people that made you smile... a lot. She had a definite sense of herself and it wasn't always what everyone else was. She captured my heart with her chucks (what can I say? i love me some chucks.) and my head with her intellect.

Today she is gone. And I can't believe it.

I haven't been able to talk to my friend, A, to see how she's doing. A is a person that doesn't cry much, if at all. One of our best friends is the one who got the initial call as A drove to the hospital to see Linds one last time. She's only heard A cry a total of three times, including last night. I know this is going to be awful for her. She and Linds were close.

Please pray for the repose of Lindsay's soul, for her boyfriend Ty, her parents, for her whole family and all of her friends, especially her roommates, A, S, and S.

+Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and may perpetual light shine upon her. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

curious minds want to know...

2008-06-19T20:10:00.002-05:00

... and i'm here to answer.

the move is going well. yes, going. we are technically moved in, i suppose, since we're sleeping there... sometimes. we're still missing a refrigerator so we're not really eating there much but that will come in time. as of this afternoon we now have hot water so we'll be showering there now too. see.. it's going! haha.

we've been slowing arranging and decorating and potting beautiful flowers. actually, that's all been my roommate, God bless her.

we have a bird that took residence in our mailbox due to give birth (what do you even call it) soon, i think. she has four eggs and she is PRECIOUS. i sometimes tap the mailbox on purpose though because she scares me half to death flying out when i least expect it. (i've caught on to her game. i'm the party-pooper ruining it almost every day. poor thing.)

i'm busy, busy, busy with work and two internships with the CPLC. it's been funny to notice all the connections my internship has brought me. it's put me back in touch with people i'd not seen in years, given me more time with people i love to see but don't often have a chance to see, and introduced me to family members of really cool people like veronica.

i dont think i ever mentioned it but i had this sneaking suspicion that one of my professors last semester was not only catholic, but super pro-life. well, her pro-life side showed itself late in the semester and we'd chatted once about her family and she mentioned her son's baptism at a local church. so i knew she was... but i didnt know she was director of ministries for cplc! haha. such a small world, i tell ya. and she's so great.

i spent last night and tonight with my family, a nice little break from work, work, work.

i joined another choir at church (haven't been active in our music program for about six months) and i'm liking it alright. it's hard to find a choir that really jives with me. apparently, though, this isn't all too uncommon. i was talking to one of my old directors who mentioned her daughter (a former choir buddy) was having the same problem. i figure it'll take some time to get settled in though and really, i love my director. he's a long-time friend/mentor/teacher and he makes me comfortable enough to keep going.

hmm.. what else? i guess there's not much more. i'll be pretty busy for most of the summer and may not update much. but that might change when we finally get the internet set up at home. i have plenty of stories from CPLC but not sure all of them are worth telling. and if they are that i have the time or energy or heart to tell them.

anyway, pray for me! i know i'm a bit of a leech when it comes to prayers but i believe in them with all of my being. they are what sustain me. and you. and all of us. so let's pray for each other! deal? cool.

may the Lord bless and protect you, my friend, and shower you with His love. be holy!

Thank you, Lord Jesus

2008-06-05T23:32:00.001-05:00

Sometime in the past year I trained myself to always make the sign of the cross when I recognize God's help in my life. Typically this presents itself in finding something I am desperately in need of, just barely avoiding a collision (usually swerving to avoid a car -- happens more than is at all comfortable) or something of similar type. As my hand crosses my body - up, down, left, right - I whisper, "Thank you, Lord Jesus."

I want never to forget to thank Him, especially when I am able to do it at the very moment He has helped me.

It wasn't until the other day though that a profound gratitude and sense of peace and love overcame me as I did this. I've already forgotten what it was exactly I was thanking Him for (I do it several times every day) when, mid-sign, I realized that as I thanked Him for His help in that moment, I thanked Him also for the gift of His life. How beautiful and awe-inspiring it was to recognize once more in the sign of the cross the rich symbolism of Christ's death. He died that I may live. He died that you may live.

Since that time in the car, I have been blessed to feel in a very real way the presence of the love of Christ in my life. I have become more keenly aware of His graces and mercy in my every moment of life. Indeed, His loving presence has penetrated my senses, my thoughts, and I do hope my actions.

What a glorious love it is, this love of Christ...

Confined

2008-05-28T02:45:00.001-05:00

please excuse my lack of capitalization and misuse of any punctuation... i just need to write.

it's weird to think about moving. i'm doing it in four days and i'm not at all ready. i'm not moving away to maryland like one of my best friends (who will be leaving on a jet plane three days after my move). no, i'm just going to the other side of the lake -- a little further from church, slightly further from family, a smidge further from school. no big deal. and yet, this move has enabled so many different thoughts and feelings to surface that i had suppressed, most of them unknowingly. it's one of those things that just kinda floats around in the back of your mind, fuzzy and grey, not really making much of an appearance. and then one day... BOOM. there it is. that pesky thought -- or string of thoughts -- that just wont go away. that's been my life for about a week now.

it started a couple of months ago with the start of the move. my soon-to-be-roommate asked if i wanted to move in with her to save money and i agreed instantly. we didn't know each other very well but what i knew about her i liked. i could tell it would be a good situation for us both. we come from different backgrounds, have different goals and daily lives. but we click. and that was enough for me. i trust her. she trusts me. its all gravy.

i feel as though i might already be digressing...

i try not to be jealous of people. i try to love my life entirely as it is because i grow in my struggles, my shortcomings, my complete failures. but sometimes, like right now, i do get jealous. i'm jealous of my buddy moving to maryland. yeah, its scary, but its exciting too. she gets to start all over again. gets to. she gets to meet new people, make new friends, establish new bonds. she gets to explore a new city she'll be calling home for at least a year, maybe longer. she's going to be doing something she loves professionally (she got a job in the choir for the national basilica.. yep, jealous of that too) and growing by leaps and bounds completely on her own.

me... oh i'm moving across the lake. with my neighbor.

*yawn*

i sometimes feel confined to not only this city (don't get me wrong.. i love the city) but to this life. i feel trapped in a body, a personality, a name that isn't me. i literally feel like breaking out of a mold and flying away to some far away place. im not trying to be melodramatic -- though i sometimes even feel i might be -- but rather just expressing exactly the way ive felt all weekend. ive fantasized about moving away to chicago or denver or boston. (okay, maybe not boston.) ive dreamt about making a new home for myself in a cozy little room in some big city and working my tail off to provide for myself. ive seen myself meeting new people, visiting art museums, and mapping out the city.

yesterday (monday, which i guess was technically two days ago now) i drove out to ft worth to attend a Mass of Thanksgiving being celebrated by a newly ordained priest of the CFRs. afterward i was going out with my friend who is moving. as i merged onto 366 from 75 i thought mostly about how late i was running and how full the church would be. but as i rounded the corner from 366 onto 35 toward 30, i looked up at my beautiful city and felt uneasy. it was familiar. too familiar.

i thought right at that moment that i wanted out of dallas. never have i ever said i wanted out of dallas. in fact, even when i talk about moving to another city i always follow it up with how i could never leave dallas forever. but right then, and in every moment since then, ive felt like i could just leave dallas. and maybe not come back. but maybe. who knows. right now i just want out.

ever pensive, i reflected on all of these newly surfaced feelings and tried to associate them with some kind of concrete reason for this discontentment. and this is what i've got:

i've lived in dallas all my life. i've visited two countries and 15 states. my longest trip was to wyd in canada in 2002. ive not been out of the city for more than three days (in a row) since that time. i've met a lot of people and established a lot of relationships. i love a lot of people here. unfortunately, ive made a lot of mistakes - some big, some small. ive soured a lot of good friendships and made a lot of less-than-stellar impressions.

i feel like every day im fighting to hang onto what good thoughts people might hold about me and rid my life of the bad ones. i feel like every day is another day to get better not for myself but for the people ive lost. every day is a day i remember - in a face, a place, or a word - all of the things i wish i could take back but cant. when i drive down certain streets, my heartbeat hastens. when certain songs pulse through my car, i can feel my heart in my gut and instantly think of a face, a place, a word. and it's never more than five miles away.

writing this makes me think that perhaps i sound like i'm trying to run from all of these things. and maybe i am. but my feeling towards all of it is this: being here in this place, at this time in my life, makes me feel uncomfortable. i feel uneasy in my own skin. i feel confined to this person people have perceived me to be. i feel trapped in this life i have created for myself, even unconsciously.

and maybe that's the real issue: i'm finally conscious. i'm finally aware of the state of my soul, of my body, of my place in the world. and i'm not happy with what has been done until now. yet, even armed with this awareness, this knowledge, this conviction, i feel powerless to change everything.

i want to go and experience new people, new places, new things. i want to get to know myself. i want to go out someplace and learn to love myself for what i am and can be. i want to truly understand my shortcomings and start on the long road to overcoming them. i want to discover what i really have to bring to the table.

can i do this all at home? sure. but its damn hard.

over the weekend a friend -- a friend unaware of my thoughts about this -- remarked that i was truly living the "college life". yeah it had everything to do with the magazines strewn across the living room floor, the laundry on every desk, table, and chair and the extra strength febreeze that im convinced will cure any odor issue ever... oh yeah, and the chips, salsa and pop-tarts we picked up for breakfast... but it made me feel better (and worse) about my situation.

im often jealous of my friends away at school. i know im the reason im still in dallas but i envy them anyway. i envy not their partying, their hangovers, their frizz. i envy their challenging classes, relationship-building, and self-exploration. when they come home, theyre different. and its with these people that i feel the most anxiety and peace. yes, anxiety AND peace. im anxious because i feel like im sitting with a more grown up version of the person i used to know. i feel at peace because it always feels right to be with them and because i can really be myself -- just as i am now -- with them. theyre growing and changing so much that my growing and changing is normal. its expected that we'll all be different. it's commonplace to be searching and unsure and yet confident in the uneasiness. it's something completely different than what i have with everyone else around me.

if there are people my age (outside of school) with whom i associate, they are likely settling into adulthood. most of them have jobs they won't leave for another ten years, are married, or have kids... or any combination of the above. those outside of my age group -- and this population makes up the majority of my associations -- are typically a good deal older, the youngest probably being about 12 years my senior. i love them but i dont know how to be around them anymore. in fact, i question now if i ever did.

i've always treasured my adult friends. from my choir buddy and partner-in-crime to my baby-sitting moms, they've been there for me when i didn't know how to turn to my family or friends my age. nothing major but always appreciated. they gave me advice, showed me support, made me laugh. they made me want to be something better than i was but were never mean or degrading about it. they were patient, loving, kind. looking back on it, i know im where i am now because of their loving support and guidance. but looking back on it now, i also see where our relationships weren't always what i imagined them to be.

for the past few years ive "worked on myself", attempting always to root myself in Christ and show the world His love. to me, this meant the charm and quick wit of the tall blonde from the midwest. it meant the accepting smile and dry humor of the brunette who told me stories of her time in chicago. it meant the self-respect, the love, and the smarts of the one in between. all of this time i have thought long and hard about why i love these people so much. i always knew what traits i loved about them and wished to emulate those things myself but it wasn't until recently (maybe a few months ago) that i really understood that the common trait in each of them was self-awareness. they had all grown up into themselves.

duh, laura. they're older than you.

but really, before i didnt really understand what it meant to come into yourself. now that i understand, im itching to do it. and i just dont feel like i have the room to do it here. im scared to "spread my wings and fly". every time i turn around i see this face or that face and i cant help but focus on my past. i cant help but to recoil into that little girl everyone knows. i dont feel confident in being 21 and becoming a woman.

and now that i say that, i've been reminded of something else. i don't feel comfortable exploring myself as a female in these surroundings. dont be scandalized; i'm not being gross. here's what i mean: since.. well i dont know when exactly, i guess when i got fat in middle school... i've been a bit of a tomboy. i went through phases of wearing makeup and not wearing makeup, doing my hair with irons and ribbons and not touching my hair at all. through it all, though, ive been a jeans and tshirt girl. in fact, im pretty sure my closet still resembles that of doug funnie. jeans, chucks (chuck taylors), and a tshirt -- usually long sleeved in either black, brown or grey -- has been my wardrobe for over five years now. yes, (almost) my complete wardrobe. to this day i still have trouble finding clothes to go out in. i just dont have girly things. and i dont feel comfortable buying girly things because im scared to be awkward in front of these people i know and whose opinions matter to me. im scared to be 12 in my 21 yr old body. and speaking of 12, my sister is 12 now and is more girly than me. she dances, never stops messing with her hair, and has everything girly. she's nothing like me and i envy that. im jealous of her rhinestone-studded shoes, jean skirts, and girly shirts. i wish i could pull off a cute headband or funky sneakers with a mini. and maybe i can. but im nervous to try it... at least im nervous to try it here.

i wanna break out of this place, even as expansive as it is. i want to be in denver, chicago, miami (someone help me name a third cool city...) trying on clothes, experimenting with makeup, and getting to know myself.

i want to wake up every day happy to be in a new place... or even scared. i want to study my maps and discover all the cute and fun and interesting places in a city that isn't dallas. i want to know and love myself and not feel confined.

on memorial day i received whats called a "first blessing" from fr francis mary, cfr. it was beautiful and perfect and just what i needed. in that blessing came a great peace and of that blessing came a great anxiety. thankfully, that anxiety is a healthy one. its a desire to grow, know, love. its a desire i pray never dies.

pray for me friends, if you are able, that i find a way to grow and know and love, even in this place of (perhaps perceived) confinement. i wish not to waste a single moment. and thanks for reading. i just needed to get that off my chest.

Why blog?

2008-05-24T16:15:00.003-05:00

It's funny how I tend to blog only when God moments happen or when I'm having a hard time. I guess it's not funny... more like telling. Anyway, things are well and I'm having a good time in life, bumps and jerks and potholes included. Life is never perfect but I sure do have a lot of good things going for me! Here're some things to celebrate:

1. Maymester is almost over and I'm currently sitting at an A. This has got to be a miracle.

2. I'm moving into a house four times the size of my apartment in exactly one week.

3. I'm moving into said house with someone I love to death for all of her chill tendencies that balance out my insane ones.

4. I auditioned this morning for a choir at church I have wanted (sometimes secretly) to be a part of for years now and was accepted.

5. I was told that I wouldn't have to wait 'til August to start rehearsals with above-mentioned choir. I get to start *this week*.

And that's just to name a few. There are plenty of challenges to overcome -- hurdles I'll need to leap over, hoops through which I will need to jump -- but I am happy to do it. How greatly God has blessed me and how grateful I am for all of His love.

2 am

2008-05-21T02:03:00.001-05:00

it's 2am and i can't sleep. my body hurts. my brain hurts. and now i'm having small painful spasms in my back. why do we have nights like these? what do they teach us? anything?

i hope so. i'd hate to think these nights just happen...

Maymester

2008-05-13T22:59:00.003-05:00

Tonight was class number two of a three-week course, referred to as a "Maymester" course (for obvious reasons). My professor for this course is awesome. He's logical, intelligent and humorous. He lectures for three straight hours but it hasn't felt that way. And though it is probably due to experience, he never looks as though he's been speaking for that long. (He doesn't even drink water, something my professors for an hour and a half at a time would do.) He's politically correct and then... not. He always makes sure to let us know that his opinions are just that and that his expressions are not meant to intentionally exclude any student of his classroom. He tells us what he thinks and, regardless of our arguments against him, we can all laugh and enjoy listening because he knows how to present his ideas well. He's engaging. I just love professors who not only know their audience, but play to it.

The Prof is also a strict man. He doesn't take any crap from his students and he's quick to call out a stupid remark. He doesn't call you stupid, but he sure makes the kid look stupid! And really, it's their own fault. If they had practiced some common sense, they wouldn't have raised their hand to ask the question in the first place. I'm not condoning the intentional embarrassment of a student (or anyone, for that matter) when not absolutely necessary and constructive, but I am saying that he's not being a complete jerk. He expects a lot from his students, as he should. Somehow, even calling people out, no one gets upset. Both classes have started out with at least three ridiculous questions followed by his witty and cutting remarks... which inevitably get a roar of laughter from the class.

Anyway, the whole point of writing any of this was to say that I love him not only for his witty and winning remarks, thoughts, and opinions, but for his commitment to talk about God in the classroom. Each night he has either named God specifically or referred to him (undoubtedly) at least six times. That's twice an hour. And tonight, he referred to "the bishop of Rome, otherwise known as the Pope".

Now, I'm not a huge fan of people who get all stupid (read: childishly giddy and ridiculous) whenever something Catholic is mentioned or referenced, but I was glad to know that he was not only well-informed, but willing to share his knowledge unreservedly with his college students. Many professors will avoid doing such (or will find a creative way of saying things without actually saying things) for fear of rustling feathers. Not this guy. He doesn't care. And I love it.

Yes, Maymester (as of tonight, day two) is going well. I'm still tired and feeling less than chipper but I trust things will *feel* better when the time is right. God's will be done.

The Duggars are preggers again!

2008-05-09T23:26:00.002-05:00

Yep, the Duggars are expecting child number eighteen on New Year's Day 2009! Check out the story at Yahoo... and I'm sure every other place imaginable!

prayer appreciated

2008-05-08T23:28:00.003-05:00

i'm having a rough time. forget that i have a warm place to sleep and food to eat, or that i've been blessed with a new computer, or that i just finished my first semester back at school. forget that i lost my job and was blessed with a new one. forget that i might -- maybe, if God wills it -- have a new house to move into.

i'm having a rough time. plain and simple.

i don't have reason to have a rough time, really. my friends are all coming home for summer (except for one who's moving to maryland in just a few weeks). they're calling and texting and messaging on facebook to arrange get-togethers. i'm about to start maymester (government) and go to school five days a week. i like school. i should be happier.

but i'm not.

and i need prayers. as i always do. and if you can offer them, i promise to never be ungrateful for your act of kindness.

Updates forthcoming?

2008-05-02T20:27:00.003-05:00

It seems as though I'll have my very own computer soon so maybe (I'm really stressing maybe) I will be able to get back to posting. My schedule is pretty full with work (30-50 hrs a week, depending), school (Maymester and Summer I for sure), and other various activities. Not to mention that my new roommate and I are scheduled to move into our new home mid-June (while we both work and go to school five days a week! lol), pending approval of our application.

If you are feeling generous and would pray for us, I'd appreciate it! This house is *perfect* for us. God's will be done!

My sister has recently been diagnosed with ADD. Please pray this diagnosis will be helpful in planning for the future! I will be tested for this and some other things soon, so you can lump me in there too! My brother was also tested for a number of things but I'm not sure of his results. I will update when I know more.

Here's hoping each of you is well.

(BTW, it was First Friday today! Sorry I didn't post a reminder.)

Help A Sistah Out

2008-04-29T23:07:00.009-05:00

Hopefully this will one day be a full-fledged organization. Until then, check out the blog and "write" if you can. Either way, PRAY! Thanks!

Your Prayers Are Appreciated

2008-04-24T14:59:00.003-05:00

I'll be leaving out of town on Friday about 6 and returning Sunday around midnight. In my time away from Dallas I will be doing two important things. First, I will be helping to brainstorm plans for the annual Girls' Retreat. I didn't get to do much for it last year as the meetings were always much too far from home so I'm really looking forward to this meeting. Second, I'll be helping out two others with a confirmation retreat for a small town. Please pray for our safety in traveling and for the wisdom of God to put into our hearts --- and that we recognize it!

Thanks in advance, friends. :)

I'm a nut... in a rut...

2008-04-12T17:22:00.001-05:00

... I'm crazy!

You Are A Peanut

You are popular, even with people who tend to have picky taste.

Kids love you, as do dogs. From rednecks to snobs, most people have a place for you in their hearts.

As popular as you are, there are some people who can't be near you.

Don't take it too personally. There's just a few people you rub the wrong way.

What Nut Are You?

Via my ever-friendly, easy-going pal, Julie D.

To Do

2008-04-09T00:22:00.004-05:00

For so long I've had a mental list of things I want to do. Some things are big and some things are small. All the 'things' have one thing in common: I've yet to do them! I think it's time I start getting 'em down "on paper"... maybe then I'll be able to really SEE what I have planned for me... all the things I want to do and places I want to see... and can get to doing them. I'm tired of waiting for life to happen. I've gotta go GET IT... and this is how I want to do that. (The list may be short at first just because I want it to be GOOD and what I really want to do/learn. Please be patient with me!)

1. Learn to play the piano
2. Learn to play the guitar (more than p&w chords)
3. Get an SLR and start improving my photog skills
4. Learn to cook fish
5. Learn to knit
6. Improve sewing skills
7. Build a bookcase
8. Build a bed
9. Keep up with the "Happy Book"
10. Visit host family in Montreal
11. Skydive
12. Run a marathon
13. Ride in something like the MS 150
14. Rome/Assisi pilgrimage
15. Learn to snowboard (well)
16. ...

This is all I have for now. I'm sure more will come later.

First Profession of Vows 2008

2008-04-08T16:59:00.003-05:00

On March 3, twelve CFR friars made their first profession of vows. Please pray for them:

Br. Josemaria De Jesus, CFR
Br. Umile Pio Aiello, CFR
Br. Teresiano Maria Madrigal, CFR
Br. Eoin Pol Fallon, CFR
Br. Matthew Youssef Hawkins, CFR
Br. Giles Maria Barrie, CFR
Br. Cyril Joseph Grandell, CFR
Br. Bernardine Mary Sharpe, CFR
Br. Pius Marie Gagne, CFR
Br. Francesco Mary Gavazzi, CFR
Br. Aloysius Marie Mazzone, CFR
Fr. James Mary Atkins, CFR

Here's a bea-u-tiful video of the Mass of Profession! Enjoy!

Msgr Duca Now Bishop-elect!

2008-04-02T12:31:00.002-05:00

Get the full scoop on this and other movings-around over at Happy Catholic (my personal one-stop-shop)!

Change

2008-03-26T14:14:00.006-05:00

I chopped it off...

I still don't know if I like it...

Triduum & Easter Celebrations: A Recap

2008-03-23T11:55:00.008-05:00

The bloggers at my parish have been blogging away about the services for the past week and I've said nothing! It is not, I assure you, because I did not appreciate those services but is, rather, a matter of not having internet at home. So, I thought that I'd recap my holy week and comment a little on the beautiful Masses/services my parish had this week.

Monday of Holy Week: Morning Mass - beautiful I'm sure but I didn't make it!

Tuesday of Holy Week: Mass and Confession with Father S. Simple and beautiful.

Wednesday of Holy Week: Took my grandmother to confession. When we walked in, I realized that Mass was being said. I always kick myself a little for not realizing when extra Masses are said that I can actually attend. Oh well... maybe next year. The lines after Mass for confession were LONG. Thank goodness we had been there for some time and made it in with Father L first!

Later that evening I went back to the church to pray. I didn't end up staying, however, because they were practicing for Mass the next day. Too noisy, too much commotion.

Holy Thursday: I arrived at the church a couple of hours before Mass began. I wanted and needed to prepare my mind and heart for what was going to happen. I'm glad I did. Shortly before the sea of people flooded in the door, I was approached about a situation which, otherwise, would have sent me packing -- and yelling all the way. Yes, I was annoyed. But I also knew that the Lord was celebrating the Passover and would soon be in Gethsemane. I calmed myself down and returned to my pew.

Mass this year was just as beautiful as last year but much different. Last year our St Francis de Sales choir sang for this Mass and the St Thomas Aquinas choir sang for Good Friday. This year it was reversed. We had the Schola along for Holy Thursday Mass which was nice but meant that participation by the congregation was minimal. That was slightly frustrating. I supposed, however, that we should not be offended or frustrated by it but rather encouraged to learn some new music and perhaps step outside of our comfort zone -- which for many is the Haagen/Haas zone, very much unlike sacred chant.

As is always the case, there was an abundance of all things Catholic and this Mass was pleasing to the senses. All of the candles on the altar were lit (love it!), there were priests and deacons galore, seminarians, altar servers, incense... wow! What pleased me more, however, was the homily Father L gave. He spoke of the royal priesthood and our personal calling to be a part of it; to be a people set apart, a royal priesthood, a holy nation. All week he stressed that we are called just as our ancestors were called. He made a point to drive home the fact that what we read in Mass and what we hear in the liturgy is meant for us, today, here, now. On Holy Thursday he spoke of his life of service and then of ours. He urged us to live that life, to serve others always. He said much more than I can write here and far more eloquently than ever I could repeat. However, "The Practicing Catholic" (a fellow parishoner) jotted down some notes on this beautiful homily and has provided them for you to read, if you'd like.

I was pleased also to see this: women carrying the sacred oils to Fr L, who waited for them at the entrance to the sanctuary. As TPC mentioned, the annointing with oils was/is associated with women in the New Testament. I always enjoy seeing women take on traditionally "feminine" roles, especially ones like this. The women did not enter the sanctuary, they simply approached it. They handed over their gifts, were thanked, and returned to their seats. Shortly after was the washing of the feet. I sat in disbelief (but a happy disbelief) as twelve males approached the altar to have their feet tenderly washed by Father. In years past we have seen men, women and children. There were still some tots (the youngest probably no less than five years old) but it filled me with a great sense of peace to see twelve males there. It was not merely that they were male but that the whole scene allowed me a certain amount of reflection that I had not been able to obtain with women. Although I did physically see Father washing the feet of twelve of his "flock", I saw, in spirit, Christ washing the feet of his apostles. That moved me.

The clearing of the altar is always very moving for me but this year it hit me hard. Seeing the santuary so bare just really hit home that Jesus was being taken away. All of the linens were removed, all of the candles too. Nothing remained save for the pews on either side (secured to the floor) and a few chairs of similar style, simple and bare.

How much I longed to move then to the side of the Church where Jesus was. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to be nearer those candles and that tabernacle. After Mass I remained where I was to pray for a short time. I left for a while but returned about an hour before He would be taken away. When I returned I returned to see only a handful of people waiting there with Jesus. How sad it made me to see so few. Walking into such emptiness (and especially so late in the evening) you cannot help but to remember the garden and the sleeping apostles. Sadly, I fell asleep myself just moments before Father came to take Jesus. I wept a little knowing that I too was weak. I too had fallen asleep. I was awoken by the sound of the door opening and closing. I looked up to see my Jesus being carried away and again I wept. My most beloved Jesus, gone. The tabernacle would remain empty for three days...

Good Friday: I had to work on Friday but made sure I was out of there by 2:30 pm so that I could reflect adequately. And yes, that does mean that I floored it down 75 in a mad dash to my apartment to change before stations at 3pm. Thankfully I made it back to the church with a few moments to spare. I managed to find a seat (it was packed this time!) and went to retrieve a program. Julie ("Happy Catholic"), sweet thing that she is, saw me and went to hand me one. (My guess is they were out of them. Again, the crowd was big for this one!) Instead of getting a program, I got a seat right next to her dear husband. What a treat to participate in stations with such a lovely family. Stations were beautiful (as always) and my heart began to sink. The three o'clock hour. My Lord had died. My Lord, who loves me with an infinite love, was crucified for my sins, to save my soul.

After stations I returned home to clean up. I arrived again a couple of hours prior to the start of the night's service. I meditated on my daily office and on the readings for the day. I walked through the stations again. I really prepared myself. Of course, in my preparations I listened to the choir rehearse. At various points I was moved to tears by the music. (They sang so beautifully and my meditation on the Passion accompanied by the words "O my people, O my church, what more could I have done for you that I have not done? Answer me" left me in fits of tears.)

The Passion service itself was very beautiful. Everything was chanted. EVERYTHING. Talk about melting my heart! And as Julie D mentioned, the young man who chanted the first reading and the responsorial was a real looker with a killer voice. I'm pretty sure every woman in the church, young and old alike, squirmed in her seat a little as he approached the lecturn. He sang the passages with a real tenderness and conveyed the message beautifully. During the responsorial he cried out the words, "eli, eli, lama sabachthani!" Those words, sung with such passion and with such impeccable pronunciation, left me with chills running down my spine. I could almost close my eyes and feel myself in the garden, at the foot of the Cross, listening to Jesus cry out to His Father in heaven. Amazing.

For the second year in a row we had the pleasure of listening to three men from the church chant the Gospel. They did an outstanding job once again. I felt sorry for them, though, because it *is* a long passage and that's a lot of singing! I hoped, for their sake, they had water in the sacristy to refresh themselves.

Once again, Father L delivered a very touching homily that called us to action and not to passiveness. He opened with the story of a small child whom he had visited early that morning (around 1am) who was in poor health. This baby, so tiny, was seizing and had not been given a good prognosis. Father L spoke to the father of the child and, in his homily, reflected on powerlessness. He emphasized the fact that, though we are powerless to stop death, we are not powerless in the face of death. Death was the turning point in salvation history and through Christ's death, we have been saved. Through death, Christ overcame death -- not only for himself, but for us also.

During the veneration of the cross the choir sang again the song that had moved me only a few hours before. Every time they would sing those words (O my people, O my church...) I was moved to tears. I couldn't stop them. Every. single. time. "Jesus, I love you" was all I could say. My words were not deep but they were meaningful. I wept out of love for Him. I wept because of his sincere, unadultered love for me - love so strong that he humbled himself to become man and accecpt even death, death on a cross.

Another touching part for me each year is the litany of prayers. I remember last year I called my friend Heather after Mass to tell her all about those prayers. Heather is Jewish and a very good friend of mine. I could not help but be moved by the Church praying for Heather and her people, the Jews, the chosen ones of God. But even more than that, we as a church pray for everyone in the world in every situatoin and circumstance. We pray for those who do not yet know God's love. We pray for those who have not yet entered the church. No one is left unprayed for. That, I think, is beautiful. It's one of those prayers I really *feel*.

Holy Saturday: After a long day at work and a short nap, I arrived again at the church about an hour and a half before the vigil was to begin. I did spend some time outside talking to a friend (who's kids I watch), wishing her a happy Easter and catching up a bit. It was a refreshing conversation and eased some of the heaviness of heart. When I returned to my pew, I prayed again over my office and meditated on the Passion. I was troubled by the amount of noise in the church but did my best to focus on my prayers.

It is always interesting to see the difference in number and type of people that show up for the first two days of the Triduum and then for the vigil. I probably could have read the office aloud and not have anyone notice. A flickering of the lights (I think it was accidental) quieted the church some and then a bit later the music of the harp began. It was around that time that everyone started to hush. The harp was beautiful (of course) and I felt so peaceful listening to it.

Once the vigil began, the whole church became still. It was amazing. The whole thing was so richly Catholic and so deeply profound. I had a stupid grin on my face during much of the liturgy, especially during the reception of the candidates into the church through the waters of baptism and the chrism of confirmation. My heart quite literally lept for joy at the sight of the candidates. There was one candidate in particular that sticks out in my mind. He is a young man, around my age I would guess, and had a beautiful smile. That smile was worn through the whole Mass, I think, because every time I saw him he was beaming. How wonderful it was to see him so happy, so radiant! He touched my heart. He looked like he might burst into fits of laughter and tears and shouting at any moment. "Thank you, Lord!" I shouted inside myself. I felt like *I* might burst.

Once again, the music at this Mass was beautiful. Mark and Chris, two very talented members of the St. Thomas Aquinas Choir, were our cantors for the evening and they did, as they always do, a phenominal job. They were accompanied by Michael Lindner on the organ and two other musicians, one on the harp and one on the trumpet. Mark sang what was probably *the* most beautiful rendition of Panis Angelicus I have ever heard during communion and I quite literally believed for a moment that Heaven really was on earth. Yes, heaven and earth absolutely join together at every Mass to celebrate the Eucharist but this music made it REAL for me. Yesterday I experienced physically what I always know mentally! We are truly blessed with musical talent at my parish. (Thank you Michael and Mike for your time and talent! Tell Fr. L you need a raise! ;) Haha.)

Easter Sunday: I attended morning Mass today as I have every year. I knew I was not obligated to go as my obligation was filled in the vigil but Mass this morning is different than the vigil. And because I could go to both, I did. I'm not going to lie, I also went for the music. Easter morning brings tympanies, french horns, trumpets, and more! We have been blessed for as long as I can remember to have the festival brass perform at our Masses for Easter and Christmas. It's a great group of guys with amazing talent. The hooplah creates an amazing energy unlike any other. I wanted to be there for it.

The church was PACKED this morning. I arrived at the church about fourty-five minutes before Mass and was lucky to find a parking spot right away. For whatever reason, the first Mass of the day was relatively empty (considering that it's easter and all). By the time the first Mass let out, however, the vestibule was literally crammed with people waiting to get in and claim a spot. I fought the crowd and escape to the side of the church where I was able to slip in without much trouble. I sat in my pew and was undisturbed for a short period of time. Then one of the ushers stood at the front of the nave and shouted out over the crowd, "Okay, everyone! It's time to do the St. Thomas shuffle!" This is code for "get cozy". Deacon K used to have us do the 10 o'clock shuffle when it was crowded and people were standing. He would have everyone in the pews move in towards the center aisle to make room for those without a seat. It was always a little bit exciting to have to do the shuffle. It forced people out of their shells and afforded them an opportunity to, perhaps, meet someone new.

Sitting next to me was a precious little girl. Blonde hair, blue eyes, with a petite set of pearls that worked well to dress her up for our Lord. Her mom leaned over after the shuffle to ask if I had been saving a seat for someone. I told her I hadn't but had simply been trying to avoid hitting the gentleman in front of me with my LOTH. (The man in front of me wouldn't have minded... he's a friend!) She asked if it was the daily office. I told her it was. She looked pleased. After this break in "stranger mode", the little girl seemed quite comfortable sitting next to someone she didn't know and looked over at me quite often. I was delighted by it. The whole church seemed so warm and cozy and family-like. People were forced to loosen up or stand up.

At one point in the Mass the little girl was kneeling on the floor, her hands clasped and her head bowed. When the congregation sat to begin singing, her mom nudged her on the shoulder to sit back in the pew. The little girl turned around and had a small exchange with her mom, pointing to her the pew in front of us and eventually returning to her position... of prayer. The little one knelt there for about two minutes in deep prayer before signing herself, kissing the cross formed by her thumb and pointer fingers, and sitting back, joining her mother in singing the song. Absolutely precious! I love little kids.

I love them for their sincerity of heart and the absolute candor with which they conduct themselves. For instance, kneeling in the pew after communion, I saw "Veronica" and her family to my left. I said hello to Kiddo and then to Fefe. Kiddo looked pleased to see me, her little face lit up with that smile of hers and I could just hear her laugh in my mind. Such a sweetie. When I lifted my arm to say hi to Fefe, gently patting her arm with my hand, she gave me a look I will not soon forget! Haha. She is such a sweetheart, such a cutie, but she did NOT want me touching her! And she let me know. In one look. Haha. Kids are great.

Fefe, with that stern look, left me smiling for some time. And when the moment had passed, I was swept up again in the glorigious celebration of Christ's resurrection. What a beautiful day it is today!

(Side note: Father L caught me off guard today with his homily. He is a great speaker and always does a fantastic job with his pitch, tone, and volume. He uses those things to his advantage at every possible moment and I am always pleased to hear him preach. Usually, he ends his homily with a strong point, but a soft one - a strong message softly spoken. Today, though, he was loud. Very loud. He very sternly told us what to do and how to do it. It wasn't mean. It wasn't even slightly upsetting. It was just passionate. And loud. It was good!)

This post has gotten quite lengthy and for that I apologize. There is so much more I could say about this holy week; it was truly blessed. Here's hoping each of you had a beautiful, richly rewarding holy week. Here's hoping each of you has a beauitful, richly rewarding Easter season.

Christ is risen! alleluia, alleluia!

Downloading the Stations

2008-03-19T12:02:00.001-05:00

It seems as though some of you are having trouble downloading the Stations from my podcast site. I don't really understand the trouble since the episode is already in a downloadable format. Perhaps someone else out there with a podcast understands this issue and could help give some advice to my lovely readers?

Lent: A Time of Fasting and Feasting

2008-03-16T15:57:00.002-05:00

a repost from lent '06... my apologies for having not posted this sooner! holy week is upon us, however, and there is no time like the present...

Yes, it's true. We can fast and feast this Lent. I have seen this on a few journals and I really like it. I liked it enough to pass it along in fact.

+Fast from judging others ... feast on the Christ indwelling in them.
It is easy to judge others and not ourselves. Let us purify ourselves of this today and share in the piece of Christ that is in each person we meet.

+Fast from emphasis on differences ... feast on the unity of life.
We are called to unite our sufferings especially during this Lenten season. Let us gather together and bear our crosses as one people in the name of Christ.

+Fast from apparent darkness ... feast on the reality of light.
It is easy to be burdened by troubles of this world but let us not forget the ever radiant light which is God's love for us.

+Fast from thoughts of illness ... feast on the healing power of God.
Let us shift our focus from our physical pains and realize more deeply the spiritual healing God makes available to us, especially in the sacrament of reconciliation.

+Fast from words that pollute ... feast on phrases that purify.
Especially during this season let us question ourselves on everything we think, do, or say: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

+Fast from discontent ... feast on gratitude.
Praise God and give thanks for His abundant blessings. Let us rejoice in our dry periods and hold fast to the grace and mercy of God.

+Fast from anger ... feast on patience.

It is easy to be angry and more challenging to be patient. During this season, let us work more than ever on the virtue of patience (and charity).

+Fast from pessimism ... feast on optimism.
When things aren't going our way we hiss and pout. Let us instead find the lessons in each thing we do, whether they happen according to our preference or not.

+Fast from worry ... feast on divine order.
When things get us down it is difficult to remember the bright side of this. Let us pray for confidence in Him and ask for our hearts to be molded to His Divine Will.

+Fast from complaining ... feast on appreciation.
God has blessed each of us abundantly. Let us be appreciative of each hidden blessing and not allow our sour attitudes ruin a chance for grace and growth.

+Fast from negatives ... feast on affirmatives.
This Lent, instead of criticizing or fingering each wrong decision, let us provide those whom we love with affirmations of their purposeful strides to overcome sin and attain sainthood.

+Fast from unrelenting pressures ... feast on unceasing prayer.
If we live each moment as a prayer we should more appropriately and successfully accomplish those things which are in line with His Divine Will.

+Fast from hostility ... feast on resistance.
Let us this Lent resist the temptation to foster hostility. Let us shine forth at all times the light of Christ's love.

+Fast from bitterness ... feast on forgiveness.
Let go of trivial emotions which hinder forgiveness. God who is all loving and all good forgives each of those who seek reconciliation. Let us not deny our brothers and sisters in Christ.

+Fast from self-concern ... feast on compassion for others.
So many times we are self-centered and self-loving. Let us this Lent turn from our own needs and offer our attention to the needs of the lowliest of these.

+Fast from personal anxiety ... feast on eternal truth.
It is easy to be consumed in this world by the trials of daily life. Let us seek out His promises and hold fast to them always.

+Fast from discouragement ... feast on hope.
Do not dispair. God has a plan and in it there is much hope. Believe that He knows better than even ourselves what is best. Trust Him and He will see you through.

+Fast from facts that depress ... feast on truths that uplift.
Instead of dwelling on the negatives of our surroundings, we should seek out the truths that inspire and uplift us. Let us not seek our own depression but do everything in our power to remain hopeful.

+Fast from lethargy ... feast on enthusiasm.
Productiveness in faith is the most important in all of our lives. Let us enthusiastically learn about our faith and grow closer to our God.

+Fast from suspicion ... feast on truth.
Speculation and assumption should be left to the lawyers of the world. Instead of harboring ill thoughts due to suspicion, rejoice in what you know.

+Fast from thoughts that weaken ... feast on promises that inspire.
The devil will tempt us and lead us to feel and think we are alone and abandoned. Turn from the evil one and remember what God has promised us.

+Fast from shadows of sorrow ... feast on sunlight of renity.
Sorrowful distractions are from the evil one and prevent us from focusing on the healing power and the overwhelming mercy of our God. Let us turn from these and focus on Christ in the Eucharist. He who saves us will comfort us.

+Fast from idle gossip ... feast on purposeful silence.
Let us refrain from anything that is not kind, true, and necessary. Let us spend this time quietly in the everlasting presence of God.

If we can do these things I believe our Lenten season will be truly blessed. Think about it. Use it. ENJOY IT. [All of the italicized text are my own words. I despair at their inadequacy but recognize a chance to grow in humility. I pray my efforts are not in vain but rather prove to be a grace from God.]

St. Thomas Aquinas, the dumb ox, pray for us! St. Maria Goretti, pray for us! St. John of the Cross, pray for us!

More on the Stations...

2008-03-14T11:13:00.002-05:00

When I get a chance, I'll write a short write up on the origin of the stations and the graces we obtain in their recitation. For now, though, check out this super amazing article from (of course) New Advent:

The Stations of the Cross (also known as The Via Dolorosa)

From the article:

In conclusion it may be safely asserted that there is no devotion more richly endowed with indulgences than the Way of the Cross, and none which enables us more literally to obey Christ's injunction to take up our cross and follow Him. A perusal of the prayers usually given for this devotion in any manual will show what abundant spiritual graces, apart from the indulgences, may be obtained through a right use of them, and the fact that the Stations may be made either publicly or privately in any church renders the devotion specially suitable for all. One of the most popularly attended Ways of the Cross at the present day is that in the Colosseum at Rome, where every Friday the devotion of the Stations is conducted publicly by a Franciscan Father.

Enjoy!

...and if not... gets vocal

2008-03-13T14:41:00.002-05:00

I decided some time ago that I wanted to record and publish a recitation of the Stations of the Cross. As I get older, this practice becomes increasingly important to me and it is my desire to share with the world the beauty of Christ's passion. What better way to share with people that beauty than in the Stations? At least for now...

It's only my first attempt at a podcast and it could use much improvement, but I wanted this to be available to you (and to me) for holy week which is steadily approaching. I did not sing verses of the Stabat Mater in between the stations though it may be an addition I decide to pursue later. For now, simplicity is my style.

I do hope you find this helpful. If you have any feedback you'd like to share, feel free to comment below or shoot me an email. (My email address is listed on the sidebar.)

The Stations of the Cross, recited by Laura H.

May God bless you richly in the coming week...

Our Lady and the Tilma

2008-03-11T22:02:00.000-05:00

Posted on phatmass:

Our Lady's Response to Legalized Abortion in Mexico

We know that on April 24th, very sadly the Municipal Council of Mexico
legalized abortion. Mexico was one of the few remaining countries where
abortion was still illegal up to now. Something extraordinary then
happened:

In the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico, the "Tilma" of Juan
Diego is on display for all to see. It serves as a reminder of how the
Blessed Mother miraculously converted thousands of Aztec Indians in the
16th Century through her image imprinted on the Tilma. Today, through
the same Tilma, it seems that the Blessed Mother wants to speak to us
again, quietly expressing her reaction to abortion.

The same day abortion was legalized in Mexico, after a mass offered for
unborn children, a very intense light appeared suddenly on the Tilma.
At the level of the womb, the light appeared like a shiny halo, in the
shape of an embryo. Experts have testified that it is not a reflection
or something added, rather it comes from the Tilma and is in the exact
location of a woman's womb. Witnesses were able to take photographs and
even to film the phenomenon that went on for a full hour.

Father Luis Matos (from the Beatitudes Community) tells us:

"The engineer Luis Girault who studied one of the pictures that was
taken of the light, has confirmed the authenticity of the proof and was
able to specify that the proof had not been modified, nor altered with
the superposition of another picture for example. He has discovered that
the image is not the result of a reflection, but literally comes from
the inside of the image of Our Lady. The resulting light is very white,
pure and intense, different from the glow coming from the flash of a
camera. This light is surrounded by a halo and seems to be floating
inside the abdomen of Our Lady. This halo has the shape and proportion
of an embryo. If one is to examine this picture even more closely by
turning it on a sagittal plane, it is then possible to distinguish
inside the halo certain shadowy areas with the characteristics of a
human embryo inside the maternal womb."

It is beautiful to see the delicate manner Our Mother from Heaven uses
to express herself: in front of this new law that hurts thousands of her
children and that would certainly not be a source of blessings for
Mexico, she remains silent in her suffering, she does not partake in
vain debates. No, she helps us re-center our eyes on the One she
carries, the Light of the world, the Savior, the One who came in the
world small, vulnerable defenseless, like all children before being
born. By showing us the Child-Jesus alive like a unborn child inside
her, she gives us an answer without words that reflects the Gospel:
"What you do to the least of these little ones of mine, you do to me".
(Matthew 25:40)

Here are the pictures: http://www.romancatholiconline.net/posts/000993/"]http://www.romancatholiconline.net/posts/000993/

---------------
It's likely I missed the talk about this if there has been talk before. If anyone knows anything more (true, not true, etc) please let me know!

Our Lady of Perpetual Help -- Financial Aid

2008-03-08T19:59:00.001-06:00

A prayer to Our Lady of Perpetual Help for financial assitance...

Realizing, dearest Mother of Perpetual Help, that thou art our perpetual help not only in spiritual but also in temporal necessities, we approach thee with submissive and humble hearts because we have a child-like and affectionate trust in thy power and goodness, beseeching thee to assist us in our present financial worry. Owing to untoward circumstances which have arisen in our lives, we are in dire want and pecuniary embarrassment, being unable to meet our honest debts.

We are not asking, dearest Mother, for wealth, if the possession of it is not in accordance with the holy will of God. We merely beg of thee that assistance which will enable us to satisfy our most pressing obligations. We believe, dear Mother of God, that thou art the Queen of Heaven and Earth, and as such, the instrument and special dispenser of thy divine Son's graces; that thou hast acquired by virtue of thy wonderful dignity, a sweet jurisdiction over all creation. We believe that thou art not only rich and bountiful, but extremely kind and generous to all thy loving and devoted children. We plead with thee, therefore, dear Mother, to obtain for us the help we so urgently need in our present financial difficulty. We thank thee, glories of thy miraculous picture. Amen.

On the commemoration of Sts Perpetua and Felicity

2008-03-07T21:06:00.003-06:00

From the Office of Readings of the Liturgy of the Hours:

From the story of the death of the holy martyrs of Carthage

(Cap. 18, 20-21: edit. van Beek, Noviomagi, 1936, pp. 42. 46-52)

The day of the martyrs' victory dawned. They marched from their cells into the amphitheater, as if into heaven, with cheerful looks and graceful bearing. If they trembled it was foro joy and not for fear.

Perpetua was the first to be thrown down, and she fell prostrate. She got up and, seeing that Felicity was prostrate, went over and reached out her hand to her and the crowd was appeased, and they were ordered to the gate called Sanavivaria. There Perpetua was welcomed by a catechumen named Rusticus. Rousing herself as if she began to look around. To everyone's amazement she said: "When are we going to be led to the beast?" When she heard that it had already happened she did not at first believe it until she saw the marks of violence on her body and her clothing. Then she beckoned to her brother and the catechumen, and addressed them in these words: "Stand firm in faith, love one another and do not be tempted to do anything wrong because of our sufferings."

...

The others stood motionless and received the deathblow in silence, especially Saturus, who had gone up first and was first to die; he was helping Perpetua. But Perpetua, that she might experience the pain more deeply, rejoiced over her broken body and guided the shaking hand of the inexperienced gladiator to her throat. Such a woman - one before rwhom the unclean spirit trembled - could not perhaps have been killed, had she herself not willed it.

Bravest and happiest martyrs! You were called and chosen for the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.

------
Prayer:

Father,
your love gave the Saints Perpetua and Felicity
courage to suffer a cruel martyrdom.
By their prayers, help us to grow ini love of you.

We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,
who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,
one God, for ever and ever.
Amen.

So I need to brush up...

2008-03-06T18:07:00.006-06:00

...on my geography! Oops!

(The only thing that helps me is that I can see maps in my head and mentally "scan" them for country names.)

68

The first time it was only 55! EEK!

How many can YOU name?

pinch me.

2008-03-06T16:17:00.002-06:00

it's snowing. in dallas. in march.

is this REALLY happening? ... spring break starts today! woo! classes were cancelled for tonight so its officially "relax" time for me... except for my 40-50 hours of work at the hotel. whatevs.

be safe, everyone.

Little White Caskets: A Lesson in Love

2008-03-06T16:15:00.004-06:00

(A blog post from December became the basis for a paper for my writing class. This was the paper I handed in, though I have a sneaking suspicion it's not seen its last edit. The timeline and events are skewed. I think being so young, I tried to block a lot of it out. It wasn't until later that I stopped to think about the impact of the events mentioned. My mother corrected a few points but nothing was skewed enough to change the paper.)

I found myself in a graveyard this week about an hour and a half outside the city. Carefully observing gravestone after gravestone, I took a moment to thank God for the life of each person buried there. As I walked and read the names, subtracting one year from another to figure the age they lived to be, I wondered what each was like. I wondered about their smile and their laugh. I wondered if they enjoyed music or nature or church. Some had "beloved daughter/son" or "mother/father". It was sweet to see the care taken of the majority of the graves. There was even a grave there with a poem in the headstone. It spoke of the beloved dead's smile and her sweet laugh. It spoke of her charming personality lighting up the small town where she lived and died. She sounded like a very sweet young girl, dead at thirty-two. I remember walking carefully along the paths between graves and noticing how many servicemen were laid to rest there. Vietnam. Korea. Both world wars. "Thank you," I would whisper as I ended my prayer. "Thank you for the gift of your life." As I finished my thoughts at one marker I noticed a small stone in the ground where I thought I might take my next step. There I read only a name and two dates. There was no special message describing service or smiles. Only a plain-font stone rested there and below it lied the body of a child, lost the day of his birth. I remember taking a small step back, the image of a little white casket frozen in my mind. "Sweet baby! You were loved." I knew that love - the love of someone so small, so innocent, so unprepared for what was to come, not that anyone was or could be.

It was December 1, 1997, that Joseph Adam was born into the Hughey family. A light six pounds, five ounces, blue and purple all over but with a healthy scream. I was at school that day, as I had been when my sister was born only a year before, and received the news over the intercom system in my fifth grade classroom. Lots of pride, lots of joy, lots of excitement that morning. The afternoon, though, would bring heartache and anxiety.

Later, when I saw my dad, his eyes brimming with tears, I knew something was terribly wrong. He pulled a handful of small Polaroids from his jacket pocket, smiling through the tears, proudly showing off my new brother and Mom who had been so brave that morning. This time my friends weren't allowed to see them. Only I stood looking at them with Dad before we rushed to the car. We were both quiet on the drive to the hospital. "He probably won't make it to see his first birthday." He couldn't tell me anymore and I couldn't ask. I sat there, staring ahead, tears filling my ten-year-old eyes. For the first time in my life I was experiencing death and hurting because I loved the life death was claiming, even so new, so unknown, so inexperienced.

Joseph was a fighter from day one. He moved from the NICU into the nursery in less than a week and was home within two weeks after that. For that first year of his life he was in and out of Children's Hospital enduring test after test and surgery after surgery. The doctors didn't know what was wrong. No answers, only questions. Except for one question: "How is this kid still alive?" They asked it right up to his first birthday. And on his first birthday, we celebrated. We laughed a lot and we cried a lot. We did the same on his second. Each year Joseph taught us something new about living in love. To love Joseph was to know pain. To be attached to him was to know heartache. He was going to die.

Joseph was prodded and poked more than I would have been able to stand and still he laughed... a lot. He only rarely cried and hardly ever whined. He brought joy to lives that did not know joy while he himself suffered greatly. No matter his condition, Joseph loved with his whole self in the best - and sometimes, only - way he knew how. Even confined to a hospital bed he hugged and cuddled. He blew kisses despite the limited movement of his hands and arms which were strapped with tubes and needles and patches. With Joseph in my life, my daily thoughts were plagued by conscious thoughts of death - of his death - and still it was richer, more fulfilling, more worthwhile than ever it had been. I hadn't lived long but I knew, even then, that Joseph had changed me and would continue to change me forever.

Joseph had a feeding tube that pierced his tender, sickly little body and most people stared. His head was a little larger than normal and he was emaciated looking. To strangers, especially adults, looking at Joseph was frightening. But to those who knew him, looking at him was to look at Love. Looking at Joseph, I'm sure some people wondered why Mom didn't abort him when she first found out. Truth be told, she didn't want any more children. But she knew the value of life and happily prepared a space for him in her heart and in our home. She was told shortly after his birth that he would not live to one but she didn't give up on him. At one, she was told he would not live to two. At two he would not live to five. Now we dare to hope to see his eighteenth birthday.

Standing there in the graveyard ten years after my brother's birth, again thanking God for the gift of life, I remembered all of the little white caskets I've known - caskets which held children not as "lucky" as Joseph but who still possessed a great purpose, a great lesson to teach. How greatly those caskets - like Joseph's life - have changed each of our lives. Each casket represents a person who didn't move in next door, someone who didn't bake a winning pie for the local fair, someone who didn't partake in the sign of peace at Mass on Sunday. Each white casket is someone we have loved and lost. And lives we have loved and lost, if we let them, change us for the better.

So today I wonder this: if we gave a casket to every child not allowed even that one hour of life, how many little white caskets would we have buried by now? How many lives have been loved, if only by God, and lost due not to natural causes or freak accidents but to a lack of care or concern by those closest to them? How many caskets would we fill with the bodies of our brethren who were not given the chance to change our lives - in one hour, one day, one year?

3 am

2008-02-29T10:34:00.003-06:00

For the last few days I have been waking up at 3 am (or thereabouts). It's not an uncomfortable waking where I'm too hot or too cold or hungry or thirsty. I don't even have the urge to use the restroom. I just wake up.

Each day I get up and look at my clock and it's just after the 3 o'clock hour. It wasn't until just now, though, that I wondered if there's a reason for it. Perhaps someone needs my prayers. Perhaps the Lord is calling me into a more intimate conversation time with Him.

On retreat, my favorite times were those holy hours which we observed alone in the middle of the night. Each person would take a turn in the chapel, visiting with Jesus as the others slept. How peaceful it was. How amazing it felt to be the sole person awake in the house with Jesus.

He keeps watch always.

I used to pray for the holy souls in purgatory when I woke. I was also fond of praying for those who, for one reason or another, were not able to sleep either. For the children who did not have a place to sleep. For mothers who had lost children. For fathers dying trying to protect and care for their families. I don't know why I fell out of the habit or how.

I wonder what this all means...

Help a future friar!

2008-02-09T10:42:00.001-06:00

My buddy Andrew has committed his life to the Lord (to become a Franciscan friar) but can't enter until he reduces his debt. He's hoping to raise about $75,000 by August of 2009 and is keeping us all updated on his efforts at his new blog: Help A Future Friar. Stop by and check him out! As always, prayers are requested first and foremost and then your financial assistance, if you are able.

Thanks and God bless you, my friends!

me, too, m2

2008-01-28T15:06:00.001-06:00

and it hangs on my fridge next to another from souza.

The Point of the Spear

2008-01-21T17:34:00.001-06:00

What more can I add that is not so well written in Mark's post about the March for Life this Saturday?

Nothing. Read it.

Thoughts on the Franciscan Way

2008-01-05T22:15:00.000-06:00

Thoughts on the Franciscan way by a girl who, being severely autistic, thinks in "pictures, concepts, and ideas without words". When askedhow she envisages the Franciscan way of living, she responded:

it is diffciutl to explain. some one walkign on a road. the road infront looks desolate. it is empty and dead and difficutl. behidn the person grass is beging to sprot and at the very end fo teh road there is soemthign very buitiful that i can tno put into words. the person cna not see the grass beigning to gow behind them. they can see the road that is dificutl btu they are lookign at the end. it is nto a easy picter to explain. i can not explain properly. the person is lookign at teh buitiful thing. i can nto expalin. ther is alto fo hope in the picter.

So fitting, so beautiful. And just what I needed to read...

Here. Now. ... Right now.

2008-01-04T18:23:00.001-06:00

Earlier today, Julie D of Happy Catholic posted a little something about her daily prayer time. She had been quite obnoxious in her twenty minutes with the Lord but inspite of herself, God taught her a little something new. In response to this post, Will Duquette of The View From the Foothills posted an excerpt from Letter 8 of The Screwtape Letters. Here is that excert:

He leaves the creature to stand on its own two legs—to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that he is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered to Him in the state of dryness are those which please him best….Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.

Do you ever feel as though God is so far away you can hardly recognize His presence in your life? Perhaps you feel a separation so great He is not able to felt in your life at all? Even still, we know He is with us. Even in the times of greatest darkness, He is there. Let's always remember to offer God our present moment because even when we don't feel Him (or we'd rather not be with Him), He is always there. He is always there and He will always be there waiting for us to give Him our hearts.

Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today...

2007-12-30T15:28:00.000-06:00

Please pray for this new couple! They were married on Friday. (I was their photog. Poor things...)

A Season, Not A Day

2007-12-26T07:06:00.001-06:00

Thanks for the reminder, Catholic Mom!

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T08:23:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas, dear blog-reading friend! May the Lord fill your heart with warmth and peace today and every day. And may we both remember that though we celebrate His coming today, He is still to come. Be holy!

Little White Caskets

2007-12-19T14:45:00.001-06:00

I found myself in a graveyard this week about an hour and a half outside the city. I wasn't there to visit anyone myself so I wandered around, reading gravestone after gravestone, thanking God for the lives of each person buried there. As I walked and read the names, subtracting one year from another to figure the age they lived to be, I wondered also what each one was like. I wondered about their smile and their laugh. I wondered if they enjoyed music or nature or church. Some had "beloved daughter/son" or "mother/father". It was sweet to see the care that was taken of the majority of the graves.

There was even a grave there that had a poem in the headstone. It spoke of the beloved dead's smile and her sweet laugh. It spoke of her charming personality lighting up the small town where she lived and died. She sounded like a very sweet young girl, dead at 32.

I remember walking carefully along the paths between graves and noticing how many servicemen were laid to rest there. Vietnam. Korea. World War II. World War I. How brave those men must have been. "Thank you," I would whisper as I ended my prayer. "Thank you for the gift of your life."

As I finished my thoughts at one marker I noticed a small stone in the ground where I thought I might take my next step. There I read only a name and two dates. There was no special message describing service or smiles. Only a plain-font stone rested there and below it lied the body of a child, lost the day of his birth. I remember taking a small step back and catching my breath. "Sweet baby.. you were loved."

In a matter of moments I remembered all of the little white caskets I've known in my day. (In my day... as if I'm so old...) How greatly those caskets have changed each of our lives. You may not realize that you too have been affected by a little white casket. But I'm here to tell you that you have. Each casket is a person who didn't move in next door to you last year, a person who didn't bake a winning apple pie for the local fair, a person who didn't shake your hand during the sign of peace at Mass on Sunday. Each white casket is a life loved and lost. And lives that are loved and lost are changes (for better or for worse) in each person who loved.

And so today I wonder this: if we gave a casket to every child that wasn't allowed even that one hour of life, how many white caskets would we have buried by now? How many lives have been loved (if only by God) and lost due not to natural causes or freak accidents but to a lack of care or concern by those closest to them? How many caskets would we fill with the bodies of our brethren who were not given the chance to change our lives - in one hour, one day, one year?

Where'd she go?

2007-12-08T18:46:00.001-06:00

Not too far. :) I'm still around... working, sleeping, eating. You know.. the usual. My birthday is coming up fast and as I approach "adulthood" I still feel like a child! Big surprise, right?

A lot has been changing again (story of my life... and yours too, I'm sure). Friends have fallen by the wayside and new friends have emerged from the bushes (???) and sometimes making sense of it all seems impossible.

I can tell that 21 is going to be a big year for me. I think when 22 rolls around I'll be a happier, more confident person.. or at least it's what I'm wishing for when I blow out the candles.

Speaking of being happier and more confident... why is it that when you say those things out loud to people, they laugh? It happened not once, not twice, but THREE times. Yes, three. Sad.

Alright... nothing to say (clearly) so I'm going to go again. To those of you who still check back, better luck next time on finding something worthwhile to read. ;)

Happy Thanksgiving to You

2007-11-22T15:42:00.000-06:00

A happy thanksgiving to you, dear reader. Thanks for stopping by -- no matter if today is thanksgiving. For those of you who see this on Thanksgiving Day, I hope that you are enjoying it. I hope that you had plenty to be thankful for and if you felt you did not, that you had others around you to help you see that you do. If you are seeing this after Thanksgiving, I pray your celebration/gathering was blessed and merry. My warm greetings come during my short (but sweet) stop at my parents home. I'm spending almost my whole Thanksgiving serving the travelers to this wonderful city... yes, I'm at work. They were kind enough to let me go home for two hours to eat with my family and watch some football (GO COWBOYS!).

Thanksgiving is such a wonderful time for me. No, not because I'm the fat kid on the block. Although that may be the case, I love it because I love people. I love everything about each person that makes them unique and everything about them that connects them to me and everyone else. I sense a deep connection with most people I meet that I know can only come as a grace from God. I know I've talked about it some before but try not to talk about it TOO much because I'm so bad at explaining what it is I sense.

Anyway, all this to say: today I give thanks to God for you. You are beautiful. Be holy.

Why?

2007-11-20T12:23:00.001-06:00

Why don't I write very often? It'd be easy to say it's because I don't have a computer or I don't have the time. But the truth is I don't write because I do not want to talk because I can. I do not want to type because I can. If I come back and I'm someone different than I was, it'll be okay. Because in coming back changed I know that I have not been at fault in not writing. If writing hinders me from growing and changing and healing then I should not write. And I think, sometimes, thats what writing is. Writing is the chance to take on something I'm not or to talk about something I wish I could DO -- and likely I can do but wont because it's easier just to write.

If none of this makes sense, it's quite alright. I don't suppose I sat down to write and make sense. I sat down to write out what I've been thinking - a way of actualizing if you will. So again I go on my way and leave this blog to sit and be still. In it's stillness lies change. I can't put my finger on it yet but change is happening. Please Lord stay by my side and help me through this confusing time...

One step at a time...

2007-11-12T12:52:00.000-06:00

I'll be back to writing again soon I'm sure but for now:

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated.

You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

Also, don't forget about our first friday fast for an end to abortion! If you've forgotten, it's alright. But remember to start it up again in December. The first friday is on the 7th!

May the Lord bless you each abundantly...

Because every once in a while you just need to laugh...

2007-11-10T09:18:00.001-06:00

for everyone who ever took even one semester of Spanish...

My Struggle with the Rosary

2007-10-22T11:41:00.000-05:00

My last post was about my struggle with the rosary and there was a great response in both written and verbal comments and emails with tips and suggestions about how to pray the rosary (or other prayers to pray instead). I can't tell you how blessed I felt to know of the great number of people who cared to help me in this spiritual journey. I kindly thank each of you who offered your advice or lent your support. Unfortunately (I suppose it's really bittersweet), I feel in the depths of my heart that I am supposed to be praying the rosary -- no matter how difficult or burdensome it can be for me.

I have learned a lot and grown a lot in the last few weeks. I have not yet said an entire rosary without great difficulty but what good ever came of easy tasks? I know my Lord in a new intimate way because of this. My struggle has helped me to trust more, surrender more. I can't count on my fingers and toes the number of times I have had to turn to the Lord to help me finish my prayer. But in doing so, I have learned of the great love our Lord has for me and for my efforts, however pitiful.

Perhaps I will share more about this journey later... for now, this is all. Thanks again to all who have offered their words of support, advice, and encouragement. Thanks also to those who have prayed for or with me. May the Lord bless your kindness and generosity.

Praying the Rosary

2007-10-06T22:02:00.001-05:00

When the bookclub decided to read the Holy Father's writing on the rosary, I grumbled. I didn't want to read it. The rosary isn't my thing and I'm not sure I really want it to be my thing. I've struggled with it for so long that I'm really not interested any more. But I picked up the writing anyway and read a little. And then a little more. Then I put it down. (I know my limits.)

Tonight, I went to visit my parents and siblings. My mother was watching Father Corapi on EWTN and I blabbed away for a good while before I even stopped to notice that he was promoting the rosary... actually discussing the Holy Father's work. (The last piece I had caught was something about human sexuality and I tuned out...) When I heard him talking about Mary, I shut up real fast. I love Mary. I love her 'yes'. I love the story of the Angel Gabriel coming to her and the exchange that took place. I love the "Hail Mary". I just don't do the rosary...

... but now I'm beginning to think I might need to like the rosary. I'm beginning to think someone "up there" might be elbowing me in the side...

For the repose of his soul...

2007-09-28T19:11:00.001-05:00

Please pray for my great uncle, Richard, who is in his last hours of this life. The family has been called and all are going to his bedside to say their "goodbyes" .. at least for now. I pray we meet again in heaven. Please also pray for the peace of my family, especially his daugther, Chelsea. (Please also remember my grandmother and all of Richard's other siblings.)

+May the souls of the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen.

On My Own

2007-09-25T17:18:00.000-05:00

I've been "on my own" for about two weeks now, even though I still visit my parents' home quite often (for things I've left behind, to drop off things I've found in my car, and just to have people around..) and already things are happening to me that I wasn't expecting -- or perhaps I was hoping wouldn't happen. There have been no huge revelations or changes in my life - yet. Rather, I have accepted a thought or two that I am hoping, with the right "follow-through" will help me to be a happer, more successful person.

Here's the line of thought:
I don't really like myself very much. I don't enjoy me or being me or being with me. This poses a problem. I can't expect anyone else to like me, enjoy me, enjoy being with me until I can do those things. I think this might be the reason I surround myself with people who are happy and confident. It is as though I'm waiting for those things to rub off on me. Unfortunately for me, it doesn't work that way.

I think part of the reason I was so anxious about living alone is because I secretly knew that I'd have to learn to be with me... alone with me. I have to learn to enjoy myself and appreciate the good qualities I possess, few though they may be, before I can expect to establish and foster good, solid, healthy relationships (of all kinds). I have to be happy to be with me - just me - before I can think about adding other people to the mix.

That's it for now, really. Two weeks under my belt and my whole life ahead of me...

If only...

2007-09-25T16:52:00.001-05:00

I have always wanted to play the piano... since I was a little girl. One day I will learn. Btw, this quiz is scarily accurate...

You Should Play the Piano

You are a true music aficionado who loves many musical style and eras.

You find music to be an escape. And you'd like to be relaxed and comfortable when you're making it.

You're very innovative, and you have a unique way of knowing what may sound beautiful.

There's a strong possibility that you could compose some of your own work songs quite easily.

While you have a lot of creative energy, you are also serious and conscientious.

Your musical talent needs time, practice, and lots of privacy to flourish.

Your dominant personality characteristic: your painstaking attention to detail

Your secondary personality characteristic: your natural tendency to be whimsical

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

Catholic Carnival 131: Better Late than Never?

2007-09-15T14:26:00.001-05:00

Some probably thought this day would never come. I might have been one of them – your guess is as good as mine. But here it is in all it’s ‘glory’…

Kicking off the carnival is Tracee over at So Sioux Me with “What Would Jesus Do?”, a post about her take on American healthcare. The post was hearty but the comments took this post to new heights. Check it out.

Next up is Phil who writes at Phil for Humanity. Phil writes, “Dear God, Where have you been lately, and what have you been doing? “ I’m still not sure what to make of this letter to God. I suppose it is what it is. Go see for yourself…

John of Voice in the Wilderness writes in this week with Criticisms and Commendations on the Law of Attraction. A beautifully written, thought-provoking piece, you will not be disappointed. Here is John’s opening statement to wet your palate: “As its influence grew stronger, many criticisms and counter-criticisms have been written in its regard. Many people were uplifted and empowered, while many also warned of its ill effects and subliminal impact. Which of these is true? What should we take heed of in our lives?”

In the world today, but especially in America, we are surrounded by waste and excessive everything. This week ChristianPF of Money and the Bible addresses this issue and asks, “Was Jesus a tightwad?”

Can you imagine having seventeen children? This family can, as Christine of The World… IMHO shares the news with us of their 17th!

Up next is Sarah of just another day of Catholic pondering with her review of Prayerfully Expecting, by Donna-Marie Cooper O'Boyle. In this review, Sarah shares what a gift a book can be, just by virtue of its being written. Whether you're expecting a child yourself or looking for a gift for someone you know, this review will give you insight into what the book has to offer. What are you waiting for? Get over there!

This one is truly affected by the tardiness of this post and for that I am truly sorry. Hopefully we can all still enjoy the reflection provided over at the HMS blog. A reflection on the Mass readings for Sunday, August 5th, the post focuses on what the readings tell us about why we should focus on God rather than on the things of this world.

Domini of We Belong to the Lord brings us ”Living in the Culture of Death”, a post on a classroom discussion of medical ethics that revealed how deep the culture of death really runs.

Tom O'Toole presents Gemini Health Center/Aurora Abortion Mill: Protest Early and Often! posted at Fighting Irish Thomas. The fight is truly ours – heed the call!

Barb, SFO of SFO Mom calls our attention to a New Catholic Radio Resource. “Listen up! There's a wonderful, orthodox Catholic Internet radio resource to discover,” she says.

“I've been having on-going 'issues' with being silent and listening for God. I always want to make noise. I compared my experience of "forced silence" in the rests while in orchestra to the struggles with trying to be silent to hear God (usually while praying the rosary).” Read more at Transitus Tiber in the post titled, Silence is Golden.

I don’t like to show bias but if you’re going to read one thing, read this! Jean over at Catholic Fire brings us a summary of Fr. Benedict Groeschel's talk on Pressures on the Christian Family and How to Respond to Them at the Midwest Catholic Conference Held in Wichita, KS.

And last, but certainly not least, we have a short but sweet submission from Ebeth, A Catholic Mom Climbing the Pillars, with A Word or two about Gum Chewing during Mass. (A perfect wrap-up for this week’s carnival, if I do say so myself!)

Thank you for joining me for this Catholic carnival and I do hope to see y’all around these parts again real soon! God bless.

The Carnival is Coming... but for now...

2007-08-07T14:19:00.000-05:00

(You'll have to excuse the lack of carnival. I haven't had time to tend to it as fully as I'd like. It will be up sometime this evening! For now... enjoy THIS:)

August 3, 2007

CFR Sisters - Investiture 2007

“Why’s that lady gotta rope ‘round her dress, Momma?”

“That’s for the faith, darlin’.”

That’s as succinct and accurate an explanation of the Holy Habit as I’ve heard! It was an exchange between a little girl and her mother at an Oklahoma gas station we happened by on our recent Mission West.

The Postulants were counting down the days to their investiture at the time, and now, as of yesterday, (Feast of Our Lady Queen of the Angels) they are among the ranks of those who wear “a rope around their dress” - and veils on their shorn heads too.

And yes, it is “for the faith.”

For the faith that God is the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth.

For the faith that Jesus Christ, is His only Son, our Lord. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary. He suffered under PontiusPilate, He was crucified, died and was buried.
He descended to the dead. On the third day He rose again.

For the faith that He has ascended into heaven,
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.

He will come again to judge the living and the dead.

For the faith in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting.

Yes, our four beautiful new Sisters believe, not just in an idea, but in a Person, Jesus Christ. And their faith has grown into a love, and this love has made a response. Please pray for them, that their belief will deepen, that their love will grow and that their “yes” will ever be their response to God’s loving voice.

Sr. Clare Matthiass, CFR
(for more details on the meaning of the habit, click here)

-- To see the pictures that were included with this article (and they are pictures I KNOW you want to see), click here. --

Upcoming...

2007-08-05T22:51:00.000-05:00

Catholic Carnival is on it's way (once more) to ...and if not..., to be published sometime Tuesday. I expect it will be good -- I've already received a good handful of submissions. If you haven't submitted your entry yet, send it on over! My email is in the sidebar for your convenience.

God bless and happy blogging! Stop back by on Tuesday for a scoop of Catholic goodness... (or something like that...)

First Friday Fast -- Thoughts from Happy Catholic and beyond

2007-08-03T18:52:00.000-05:00

I liked this post from Julie D today and wanted to pass it along: Take a look. This fast has made such a huge impact in my life. Going into it I wanted to make an impact elsewhere. I should have known God would use this to show me so many things and help me to grow closer to Himself. In Him, with Him, through Him... always.

Another Postcard... (May be inappropriate for some viewers.)

2007-08-03T18:50:00.000-05:00

I ran across another sad postcard today concerning aborted babies. My heart feels pierced every time I read words like these from women who will likely never feel safe enough to share their stories .. and grieve. Please, please pray for mothers and children alike! It is a sad world in which we live...

The Awkward Song

2007-08-03T18:46:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows Franciscan students are a species all their own... and this song demonstrates one of those awkward traits all too well..

First Friday Fast for an End to Abortion and Anne Faustina

2007-08-02T17:21:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow, for those of you who are participating (in any way) in the movement by Dallas area bloggers, is first friday! Just a friendly reminder...

For whatever reason, when I was thinking briefly about the fact that tomorrow is indeed first friday, I thought instantly of Anne Faustina. Anne is a child of two beloved friends, Matt and Angela (creators of Remnant), and was lost in a miscarriage. She was loved very much and it was beyond sad to learn of her passing. She taught Matt and Angela many things with her passing, even more evident today than it was then. During the grieving and healing process, Angela wrote a song about and for her precious child. She and Matt took it to the recording studio and I've not met a single person who was not touched by the beauty of the piece. It is appropriately titled "Anne Faustina" and goes like this:

A gentle breeze standing still
A single flower on a hill
A star so bright in the sky
It makes me sit and ask why

You were so delicate and small
A tiny grain of sand in the hand of God
We knew that you were there
When we were told that you were gone

A gentle breeze standing still
A single flower on a hill
A star bright in the sky
It makes sit and ask why
You were so delicate and small
A tiny grain of sand
We knew that you were there
When we were told that you were gone

Anne Faustina
Anne Faustina
Anne Faustina
Anne Faustina

A life created by our love
Is now with Jesus high above
Adoring, praising, honoring
Our loving Lord, our Mighty King
Our little saint in perfect form
Reminded us of God's promise
He would remain faithful to us
If we in turn were faithful too
His divine mercy endures

Anne Faustina
Anne Faustina
Anne Faustina
Anne Faustina

A gentle breeze standing still
A single flower on a hill
A star so bright in the sky
It makes me sit and ask why
You were so delicate and small
A tiny grain of sand
We knew that you were there
When we were told that you were gone

Anne Faustina
Anne Faustina
Anne Faustina
Anne Faustina

The music that accompanies these lyrics is just gorgeous and, although it is always a treat to hear Matt and Angela sing together, it is especially delightful to hear them sing this piece together. They have some great harmonies that really emphasize certain lyrics. One detail I didn't not include above is when they are singing different lines at the same time. Gorgeous. Anyway, this song, I have a feeling, will be playing a lot tomorrow. I think of Anne Faustina often and how fitting it would be to keep her close in prayer tomorrow as I pray for those souls she is with who did not have someone to fight for their life. I hope you join in with me and the others to fight for this. It will not be won through violence but through the peaceful acts of prayer and penance.

Clogs your pores... and your arteries.

2007-07-30T19:26:00.000-05:00

I've made a special treat for the Perpetua and Felicity Book Club tonight that clogs both the pores AND the arteries. I was in a bit of a time crunch after work so I'm not sure how it's gunna come out... cross your fingers and hope for the fattiest, most delicious cake ever!

Thanks be to God!

2007-07-16T17:14:00.000-05:00

Thanks be to God, I have been approved for my own place! I know this is going to be a great thing for me and my life. Needless to say, blogging may not happen for some time. I move out in September but classes start in August. I need to finish one blog design in the next couple of weeks (on top of full-time work and musical rehearsals/shows 7 days a week) so... yeah. Thanks for always reading. I love you! God bless you abundantly and I pray we meet again soon.

Discernment, Obsession, and Intimacy with the Lord

2007-07-09T00:59:00.000-05:00

This is an issue that I have thought about for quite a while. The topic sufaced lately at a site I frequent. In a personal note to the person who mentioned it, I wrote the following. It is only an excerpt and I'm sure there will be more to follow someday. I tend to have a hard time writing for long periods of time about the same topic. I'm easily frustrated with my mind moving so much faster than my fingers...

...I too have thought ‘long and hard’ about the issue you addressed. When I noticed my own life changing because of a growing ‘obsession’ I had to take a real step back. Only by the grace of God did I recognize my faults and only by the grace of God do I take even one step toward holiness. Every point you made is true and I am glad that someone has said it. ... But it is important that these things are discussed. It is important that we are honest, first with ourselves and then with one another.

A call to religious life is not an order to pride. In fact, it is the complete opposite. As you said, we are all called to service. Each and every person is called to this but certainly religious in a different way than lay persons. In knowing this, one must recognize the role of a servant and the humility it requires. Humility is, in itself, a huge matter – a huge challenge! (See the following for some of my thoughts on the matter: http://and-if-not.blogspot.com/2006/02/humility.html )

It is so important that we young persons do not get swept up in the fantasies we create in our minds. Often we look at the older and wiser in our lives and long to think as they do, be as they are. The capability is certainly not lacking; this I’m sure you know. The fantasies we conjure, I dare say, never subside (though they may decrease in frequency and intensity), but rather, as we grow older, we learn to find within them what little truth might lie. This is what makes the older wiser. Though I do not believe it necessary for me to say, I will say this anyway: We also know and recognize that the truly wise do not come to this end, to these means, of their own accord. Certainly it is the Holy Spirit being allowed the opportunity to work in their lives. It is only through the mighty grace of God that any person discovers truth and obtains holiness.

To address specific points in your post, I will start with your mention, in so many words, of the intimacy of the call to religious life. How important it is for us to always remember the intimacy of each of our relationships! It is our charge, I do believe, to take great care in maintaining this intimacy, not only with our Lord but also with each of our friends and family members. (Please forgive my tendency to speak of other matters. I tend to want to discuss all situations in order not to mislead a person in sharing my evaluations. Another form of pride is evident in this. I have many things on which I must work!) The treatment of discernment of different vocations has always greatly confused me. In a young person’s discernment of marriage, he or she is not questioned with such intensity by persons of little acquaintance. This is one of many reasons to take care to guard your privacy.

I do not mean to say that a person should hide his or her discernment. Certainly it is beneficial for the peoples of our times, and especially in our particular society, to see young faithful in pursuit of a greater good. However, there must be a certain prudence that accompanies this journey. When one enters into a courtship, he or she does not share the intimate details of the relationship with each person he or she meets. Certainly it is fine – and healthy – to comment on the beautiful relationship and the great joy that comes from it. General details are customary but specifics are unnecessary. It is not expected that one discuss the intimacies of his or her courtship, why should the intimacies with our Lord be any different?

It is my opinion that each young person discerning a call to religious life should be cautious in what he or she shares with others. Certain persons will not understand this concept and some might even resent it. That, however, should be of little concern. Just as you do not demand the details of my courtship, I should not (and do not) demand the details of yours. When the time comes, you will know what is necessary.

It is important, I believe, to mention why I feel this way. It is not because I in some way think that others should be excluded from the joys of discerning a vocation to the religious life. I recognize the benefits in sharing that joy, both because it inspires greater glory of the Lord and because it may help others to realize their own call and discern it more completely. However, the more we allow others to share in the knowledge of our intimacies, the less and less intimate they become. How often do we hear knowledgeable persons speak of the necessity for intimacy in human marriages? How often, then, should we hear about the necessity for intimacy in our relations with our Lord? You see, while there are great differences in the vocations, there are also great similarities. The foundations (and principles) are the same!

Also necessary to mention is the fact that, when you allow another to know the intimate details of this, or any, relationship, you allow them, generally by default, the privilege of commenting. While it is great to have ‘outside opinion’ and to be open to correction from our brother (if we are in error), it is important to eliminate any unnecessary confusion. When in discernment, especially this particular type of discernment, it is best to keep discussion of detail limited to a certain number of people. It is not possible, I don’t think, to give a set number but common sense will tell you when ‘enough is enough’. When discerning with a particular order, I should think that the vocations director for the order and your spiritual director (who, in the best cases, will also be your confessor) would be enough. I have my reasons for limited inclusion of family, most of which I am quite positive you could figure out based on my previous statements. For that reason, I will not go into any further detail. ...

First Friday Fast for an End to Abortion

2007-07-06T17:13:00.000-05:00

I, like Julie, had first friday sneak up on me! And I'm so glad I got to her blog before I got to the pantry! (I now realize why I didn't get a break at work today. Someone was watching out for me...)

If you haven't already, please join us or pray for us! Here's what it's all about:

We are three bloggers who also live in the Dallas area. We are deeply committed to ending abortion in this country. To that end, we have committed ourselves to the following: On each First Friday for the next eleven months, we will fast and pray before the Blessed Sacrament for an end to abortion. This will culminate at the annual Dallas March for Life in January of 2008, where we will join our bishop and the faithful of this city in marching to the courthouse where Roe was originally argued.

We ask anyone reading these words to join us. Fast and pray with us each First Friday, no matter how far removed you are from Dallas. Spend some time in Eucharistic adoration, and implore Christ to end this curse. We especially ask other Dallas area bloggers and residents to join us, at least in spirit. If you would rather not fast, then pray for those of us that do.

Read the full statement here.
May God reward you richly. Pax!

St Maria Goretti, purest patron of mine, pray for us!

2007-07-05T21:45:00.000-05:00

Oh Saint Maria Goretti who, strengthened by God's grace, did not hesitate even at the age of twelve to shed your blood and sacrifice life itself to defend your virginal purity, look graciously on the unhappy human race which has strayed far from the path of eternal salvation. Teach us all, and especially youth,with what courage and promptitude we should flee for the love of Jesus anything that could offend Him or stain our souls with sin. Obtain for us from our Lord victory in temptation, comfort in the sorrows of life, and the grace which we earnestly beg of thee (here insert intention), and may we one day enjoy with thee the imperishable glory of Heaven. Amen.

Learn more about Saint Maria Goretti: http://www.mariagoretti.org/

Requesting Thine Aid - A reminder!

2007-07-03T18:40:00.001-05:00

I have a feeling that blog will be updated with greater frequency than this one. Again, please excuse my absense. I do not feel comfortable sharing my struggles so publically. If I am to gain any wisdom or knowledge which I feel should be shared with others, I will post. Until then, my priorities lie elsewhere. I have a long road ahead of me and only with God's grace will I take even one step in the right direction.

You are all in my daily prayers. God bless you.

2007-07-03T00:02:00.001-05:00

I'm home... and SO tired.

Pray for Moms

2007-06-30T16:14:00.001-05:00

I do not recommend viewing the blog where I found this postcard. It can be extremely scandalous -- and is on most occasions.

Another reminder of all those women who live with this heavy secret. Pray for them. Pray for healing and for an increase in love in their lives. They too are mothers and they too mourn the murder of their precious child.

Kansas

2007-06-29T20:10:00.001-05:00

No, not the band. The state! I'm headed up there this weekend for a very quick visit with some friends. After work tomorrow, I'll pack for my super short but super sweet trip and head out to the other side of the metroplex. I'll spend the night out there with the other travelers and head out for KS early Sunday morning. We'll be returning Monday night. Thank the Lord I have Tuesday off! Please pray for us as we travel, that we remain safe on the road while making good time! God's will be done. Thank you!

Magnetic Mailboxes Speak to My Heart

2007-06-26T21:33:00.001-05:00

Magnetic Mailboxes

Learning to ride a bicycle is an important event in a young boy’s life. I clearly remember the day when my dad took the training-wheels off of my bike. I grew up in a small town on a quiet side-street in Indiana. It was the perfect setting for my first attempt at riding solo like the big kids.

At first my dad held on to the seat while running behind the bike. Then the moment of truth arrived. Dad let go of the seat and I wobbled down the street on my own, similar to a baby deer taking its first steps. I remember the emotion of exhilaration turning into terror as I crashed into a neighbor’s mailbox on the edge of the street! My dad ran over and encouraged me to "get back on the horse that bucked me." Holding the seat he helped me get started again. Crash! I promptly smashed into the next mailbox. Like a moth into the searing light of a bug-zapper, this happened again and again as I tried to make my way up and down our street. I swore that those were magnetic mailboxes! The more I focused on avoiding the approaching mailbox, the faster I crashed into it (I had a similar tendency when I learned to drive a car years later)!

My capacity for crashing into mailboxes taught me about concupiscence. As a consequence of our frail and fallen human nature, we experience an attraction and inclination to sin. We have disordered desires (see The Catechism of the Catholic Church ##1264, 1426, 2515). Saint Paul once wrote, “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate... For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin which dwells in me” (Rom 7:15, 19-20).

Yes, as we go through life we are faced with all sorts of temptations to sin. If sin was not fun, no one would give in to it. Even in sin there is something attractive, at least on the surface. “So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband, and he ate” (Genesis 3:6). Saint Thomas Aquinas taught that the will always chooses a perceived good, even in choosing sin.

We need a conversion on many levels! The first step in repentance is acknowledging that we have a desire for sin, for what is not good for us, for crashing into mailboxes. Next, with the help of God’s grace, we struggle to make correct choices. When we make wrong choices, when we crash into mailboxes, let us get up - go to Confession - and try again. Hell is full of sinners. Heaven is full of sinners who kept getting up and trying again.

Pray, pray, pray,

Fr. Luke Mary Fletcher, CFR
St. Joseph Friary, New York, NY

I'm laughing but I know it's not funny...

2007-06-20T09:32:00.000-05:00

Vatican issues '10 Commandments' for drivers
08:57 PM CDT on Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Associated Press

VATICAN CITY – The Vatican on Tuesday issued a set of "Ten Commandments" for drivers, telling motorists not to kill, not to drink and drive, and to help fellow travelers in case of accidents.

An unusual document from the Vatican's office for migrants and itinerant people also warned that cars can be "an occasion of sin" – particularly when they are used for dangerous passing or for prostitution.

It warned about the effects of road rage, saying driving can bring out "primitive" behavior in motorists, including "impoliteness, rude gestures, cursing, blasphemy, loss of sense of responsibility or deliberate infringement of the highway code."

It urged motorists to obey traffic regulations, drive with a moral sense, and to pray when behind the wheel.

Cardinal Renato Martino, who heads the office, told a news conference that the Vatican felt it necessary to address the pastoral needs of motorists because driving had become such a big part of contemporary life.

He noted that the Bible was full of people on the move, including Mary and Joseph, the parents of Jesus – and that his office is tasked with dealing with all "itinerant" people – including refugees, prostitutes, truck drivers and the homeless.

"We know that as a consequence of transgressions and negligence, 1.2 million people die each year on the roads," Martino said. "That's a sad reality, and at the same time, a great challenge for society and the church."

The document, "Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road," extols the benefits of driving – family outings, getting the sick to the hospital, allowing people to see other cultures.

But it laments a host of ills associated with automobiles: drivers use their cars to show off; driving "provides an easy opportunity to dominate others" by speeding; drivers can kill themselves and others if they don't get their cars regular tuneups, if they drink, use drugs or fall asleep at the wheel.

Read the rest here, including the actual "'Ten Commandments' for motorists".

I think it's good that something like this has come out. We're supposed to be an intelligent race and one that has compassion for others, but sometimes we fail in both areas. Some people don't think twice about their behavior on the road and I would bet even fewer think about how that behavior affects their relationship with God. (I don't think people realize (or realize very often) that they are sinning when they choose to speed, run a light, or do anything else that is not only against the law but that endangers his brother.)

I admit that I did laugh a little when I saw the headline in the newspaper this morning. But again, I do think it's good that it has been said. Maybe we, as a people, do not say enough what needs to be said. If we don't say it, we can't expect people to know. Unwritten laws are great if everyone has the common sense to pick up on them. As we all know, however, this is not the case. Too many people die each year because not everyone has the common sense. So things like this must be said.

The best part, I dare say, is that people may come to realize (or come closer to the realization) that the Vatican is not loony. The people there are good people with an earnest desire to do God's will and to bring His people closer to Him. The Catholic Church supports virtuous deeds and warns against sin. On the other hand, some may see this as an attempt to control our lives even more -- to micromanage, if you will. People will say what they will. But for those who are awakened by the message, praise God. Some people REALLY need that message...

Another Meme

2007-06-17T20:23:00.000-05:00

Because it's what you do when you're confined to your home. (Please pray for me! I am having some medical/dental issues and would really like for this to pass quickly.)

I was tagged by Julie D for this just under a week ago. Thanks, Julie!

Things that (or People who) don't bother me:

Copying answers on memes: Occassionally someone's answer rings true to another someone. What's wrong with that?

Large purses: I do think people underestimate the storage capacity of small purses but large purses don't bother me either. In fact, I have one. It's red.

Red purses: I think they're fun. And it adds a pop of color to an otherwise drab wardrobe. Appearance IS important.

Silence: I think there is a great profoundness to silence that too many people have not discovered. I enjoy spending whole days in quiet prayer and contemplation. I think if we all set aside more time to be still (and silent), we would know ourselves better.

Driving: Everyone that knows me well will probably laugh at this. I tend to get lost (or think I'm lost when I'm minutes from my destination). I also tend to find the most dangerous people on the streets. Even then, it doesn't bother me much. Some nights I like to just be by myself, in my car, cruising around. It's soothing.

Public schools: I went to a public school. It wasn't awful. There are good kids there getting good educations.

Guys watching sports and drinking beer: If it makes them happy, why get fussy about it?

Lots of kids: Blame it on babysitting for so many wonderful Catholic families. I just love kids. They don't bother me.

Television: It's not the devil.

The Novus Ordo: Not only does it not bother me, I actually LIKE it.

Hydrocodone: Nature's remedies are nice, but when that doesn't work, pass the hydrocodone.

Well... I guess that's a short list but it's all I can think of at the moment.

Gone Once More

2007-06-16T19:11:00.000-05:00

I am not the most consistent blogger. Anyone who has been here for more than a few weeks knows that well by now. It's not that I'm not interested in writing, or that I have lost all interest in blogging, but rather that I have not found the time to write as often as I used to. I'm not one of those people who has time to sit and write each and every day and I have not discerned, thus far, that it is good for me to make time.

I know I have written about this a number of times in the past and as the days and weeks pass, it only becomes more true. My priorities are being "ironed out" and blogging just isn't at the top of the list.

There is a calendar hanging in one of the offices at work. It belongs to a co-worker who also happens to be Catholic and is the one published for her parish. At the top of each month is a picture, the month, and a quote. This month's quote reads:

"Our gifts from God include the spiritual treasures of faith, hope and love.

They also include all we cherish: our health, our human genius, our skills, our families, and our friendships.

When asked, stewards will give a faithful accounting of how each gift was nurtured."

How fitting! Each of us will indeed be called to give an account of our lives when we meet our Maker. When I stand before Him, I want to tell Him all of the wonderful things I did with His gifts to me.

This is not to say that blogging is not an expression of love and a fitting use of God's gifts by any means. This is only to say that I, in my life, am not called, I do not feel, to blog so much as I am to do other things.

I sometimes feel very overwhelmed by the number of "things" I have taken upon myself. From my work with the apostolate to my day job to my babysitting to choir to theatre to finding time to spend with my family and friends, I often find myself tired and strung out. I worry too much about doing that I often lose sight of the doing well.

If this blog is to continue, it will most likely continue with posts about the things that I am doing and not so much my thoughts on issues. I do not imagine this will disappoint as I do not have too many visitors anyway. ;) If it does not continue, however, I thank each person who has taken a moment or two to read what I have written. Those moments have helped to assure me that my efforts were not in vain.

May the Lord bless each of you abundantly and keep you always. Pax!